TV Quotes

Kramer: Well, what am I gonna do? I got over two hundred folding chairs, and quite a bit of ice.
Newman: What kind?
Kramer: Cubed.
Newman: That's good stuff, and you can never have too much ice. All right, I'll tell you what I'll do. You can co-host the party with me, under one condition. No Jerry. Jerry is not invited.
Kramer: I gotta invite Jerry. He's my buddy.
Newman: That he may be. But he's outta my life, starting in the year 2000. For me, the next millennium must be Jerry-free!

George: You wanted to see me, sir?
Mr. Steinbrenner: I heard about what happened at the meeting this morning...
George: Oh, yes. I already packed up my desk, sir. I can be outta here in an hour.
Mr. Steinbrenner: ...and I have to tell you, it's exactly what this organisation needed. We wanna look to the future, we gotta tear down the past. Babe Ruth was nothing more than a fat old man with little-girl legs. And here's something I just found out recently. He wasn't really a sultan. Huh, what do you make of that? Hey, check this out. [stands up] Lou Gehrig's pants. Not a bad fit. Hey, you don't think that nerve disease of his was contagious, do you? Uh, I better take them off. I'm too important to this team. Big Stein can't be flopping and twitching. Hey, how about some lunch. What are you going for?

George: Let me ask you something. What do you do for a living, Newman?
Newman: I'm a United States postal worker.
George: Aren't those the guys that always go crazy and come back with a gun and shoot everybody?
Newman: Sometimes.
Jerry: Why is that?
Newman: Because the mail never stops. It just keeps coming and coming and coming, there's never a let-up. It's relentless. Every day it piles up more and more and more, and you gotta get it out but the more you get it out the more it keeps coming in. And then the bar code reader breaks and it's Publisher's Clearing House day!

Newman: Hello, Jerry.
Jerry: Hello, Newman. What gives?
Newman: I was speaking earlier with Kramer and he mentioned something about a private jet to Paris?
Jerry: Yeah, that's right.
Newman: Well, I hear it's quite beautiful there this time of year, and of course you know I'm one-quarter French.
Jerry: Really?
Newman: Oh, yes. In fact, I still have family there. This probably won't interest you, but I have a cousin there who's suffering very badly. She's lost all use of her muscles. She can only communicate by blinking. I would so love to see her, bring a ray of sunshine into her tragic life. But alas, I can't afford it, for I am, as you know, but a simple postal worker.
Jerry: That's a shame.
Newman: Take me! Take me!
Jerry: Oh, forget it. Pull yourself together. You're making me sick. Be a man!
Newman: All right! But hear me and hear me well. The day will come. Oh, yes. Mark my words, Seinfeld. Your day of reckoning is coming. When an evil wind will blow through your little play world, and wipe that smug smile off your face. And I'll be there, in all my glory, watching. Watching as it all comes crumbling down. [evil laugh]