TV Quotes

Jerry: What's this?
Kramer: Well, you know those annoying little bumps on the lane-lines? [makes bumping noises]
Jerry: Isn't that some kind of safety thing?
Kramer: Well, I had to pull them up if I'm gonna widen the lanes.
Jerry: What the hell are you talking about?
Kramer: Ah, you know how in planes they got first class? More legroom, better ride. Well, I'm bringing that concept to mile 114.
Elaine: How are you gonna widen the lanes?
Kramer: Well, you black out lane-lines one and three, and a four-lane highway becomes a two-lane comfort cruise. [to Jerry] So, you got any black paint?
Jerry: Yeah, in my tool shed, next to the riding mower.

Kramer: [smoking a cigar] Well, I'm a poppa.
Jerry: Bring it on. Nothing's throwing me at this point.
Kramer: [hands Jerry a cigar] Well, as of today I am a proud parent of a one-mile stretch of the Arthur Berkhardt Expressway.
Jerry: Oh, that adopt-a-highway thing.
Kramer: Yeah, I'm part of the solution now, Jerry. Yeah, I went down there and I checked it out this morning. Here, take a look. Mile 114.
Jerry: Aw, looks just like you.
Kramer: Aw, I'm beaming Jerry.
Jerry: So what do you have to do? Pay to keep it clean?
Kramer: They try to push you into using their cleaning crew, with all their so-called maintenance equipment.
Jerry: That old scam.
Kramer: Yeah, well, that's why I'm doing it all myself. This parenting isn't about delegating responsibility, it's about being there.
Jerry: At the side of the road with a pile of garbage.
Kramer: Quality time.

George: I still don't see why I can't ask her about my arm.
Elaine: She's a physical therapist. She doesn't want to have to deal with that outside of the office.
George: Why not?
Elaine: Because it is what she does.
George: I love these people! You can't ask them questions. They're so mentally gifted that we mustn't disturb the delicate genius unless it's in the confines of an office! When huge sums of money are involved, then the delicate genius can be disturbed!
Elaine: George, you got a little something, right here.
George: [wiping face] These people think they're so important!

Donald: [o.s.] Okay, history. This is for the game. How you doing over there? Not too good.
George: All right, bubble boy. Let's just play. "Who invaded Spain in the 8th century?"
Donald: That's a joke. The Moors.
George: Oh, no. I'm so sorry. It's the "Moops". The correct answer is, the "Moops".
Donald: Moops? Let me see that. [takes card with gloved hand] That's not Moops, you jerk. That's Moors. It's a misprint.
George: I'm sorry. The card says Moops.
Donald: It doesn't matter. It's Moors. There's no Moops.
George: It's Moops.