J. Peterman Quote #13
Quote from J. Peterman in The Shower Head
Elaine: Mr Peterman! What are you doing?
J. Peterman: Elaine, you're out of control. You need help.
Elaine: Huh?
J. Peterman: I know what you're going through. I, too, once fell under the spell of opium. It was 1979. I was travelling the Yangtze in search of a Mongolian horsehair vest.
Elaine: Oh, for God's sake.
J. Peterman: I had got to the market after sundown. All of the clothing traders had gone. But a different sort of trader still lurked about. "Just a taste," he said. That was all it took.
Elaine: Mr. Peterman, I don't know what's going on here. I am not addicted to anything.
J. Peterman: Oh, Elaine. The toll road of denial is a long and dangerous one. The price? Your soul. Oh, and by the way, you have till 5:00 to clear out your desk. You're fired.
Seinfeld Quotes
‘The Shower Head’ Quotes
Quote from J. Peterman
Elaine: Oh, hi, Mr. Peterman. Do you realize how short the Kalahari Bushmen are? I'm going to look like a giant to those guys. [laughs]
J. Peterman: I'm afraid I have some bad news, Elaine. It appears you will not be accompanying me to Africa.
Elaine: What? Why not?
J. Peterman: I'm afraid it's your urine, Elaine. You tested positive for opium.
Elaine: Opium?
J. Peterman: That's right, Elaine. White lotus. Yam-yam. Shanghai Sally.
Elaine: That's impossible, I've never done a drug in my life. Dr. Strugatz must have made a mistake.
J. Peterman: Not a chance. I'm afraid I'll just have to find someone else to accompany me on my journey. The dark continent is no place for an addict, Elaine.
Quote from Jerry
[on The Tonight Show:]
Jay Leno: Welcome back. Talking with Jerry Seinfeld. Jerry, let me ask you. I saw some people back there. They look like family? Is that family?
Jerry: Yeah, I got some family backstage. Of course my family's nuts. They're crazy. Yeah. My Uncle Leo, I had lunch with him the other day. He's one of these guys that anything goes wrong in life, he blames it on anti-Semitism. You know what I mean? The spaghetti's not al dente? Ah, the cook's an anti-Semite. Loses a bet on a horse. Secretariat? Anti-Semitic. Even the horse. Even the animal. Doesn't get a good seat at temple on the High Holy Days? Rabbi? Anti-Semite.
Quote from Elaine
Elaine: How could I have tested positive twice? I mean, once I could understand, that's a mistake. But twice?
Waitress: Yeah, it's hard to figure.
Elaine: I mean I lost my job, I can't go to Africa. I was gonna meet the Bushmen of the Kalahari.
Waitress: Ah, the Bushmen?
Elaine: And the Bushwomen.
Man: Excuse me. I couldn't help overhearing. I notice you're eating a poppy seed muffin.
Elaine: Yeah, I eat these muffins all the time.
Man: Well, you know what opium is made from...
Elaine: Poppies!