Elaine Quote #565
Elaine: My cousin Holly is completely insane. She keeps calling and accusing me of stealing her napkins.
George: Napkins?
Elaine: I mean, why? Why would I take her stupid napkins?
Jerry: Because they were in the pockets of my jacket.
Elaine: They were?
Jerry: Yes. I was using them to spit out the mutton.
Elaine: You spit it out? I had dogs chasing me for that. I was almost mauled because of that mutton.
George: What exactly is mutton?
Jerry: I don't know and I didn't want to find out.
Seinfeld Quotes
‘The Wink’ Quotes
Quote from Elaine
Jerry: So where is my jacket?
Elaine: Oh, I must have left it at Jame's
Jerry: You spent the night at James's? Did we?
Elaine: Yeah, yeah, yeah. But we reversed positions so there was no funny business.
Jerry: Reversed positions?
Elaine: Yeah, you know, head to toe.
Jerry: So what? Your genitals are still lined up.
Elaine: No, because I slept with my back to him.
[The guys say nothing]
Quote from Jerry
Waiter: Ready?
Holly: I'll have the porterhouse medium rare, baked potato with sour cream.
Jerry: What do you recommend besides the steak?
Waiter: The lamb chops are good.
Jerry: Anything lighter? How do you prepare the chicken?
Waiter: It's a full bird. Stuffed with ham, topped with gorganzola.
Jerry: You know what? I think I'll just have the salad.
Waiter: [gives Holly a look] Thank you.
Jerry: [inner monologue] Just a salad? Just a salad? Just a salad?
Quote from Jerry
[stand-up:]
Jerry: It seems like every morning when you wake up, it's like your being born all over again. You ever have that feeling? Because you can't see, you can't talk. You're on your way to the bathroom trying to remember, "How do I walk?" It's like you've never been alive before. But if any invention marks the decline of human civilization, I think it would have to be the snooze alarm. The snooze alarm is based on the idea that when the alarm goes off, you are not getting up. You're not even awake, you're already a failure. They should sell the snooze alarm with an unemployment application and a bottle of tequila. Just make it a "complete pathetic loser kit".