Jerry Quote #1799
Quote from Jerry in The Face Painter
[stand-up:]
Jerry: Monkeys are really the end of the line in the pet world. I think when you're at the monkey level of pet ownership, have a kid. I mean, come on, you know, I mean, you're so close. If you need a pet that can roller- skate and smoke cigars, it's time to think about a family. Monkeys, of course, were the first astronauts in the sixties, which I'm sure made perfect sense in the monkey brain. "I feel that is the next logical step for me, because I've been working with the Italian guy and the crank organ, and I think I'm ready to handle the maximum re-entry G-forces."
Seinfeld Quotes
‘The Face Painter’ Quotes
Quote from Kramer
George: Hey, by the way, if anybody wants an inside tour of the zoo, Siena works there as a trainer.
Kramer: So she works at the zoo?
George: Yeah, yeah.
Kramer: Yeah, like Dian Fossey. You know, she's the only person that's ever been accepted into gorilla society. And you know, once those gorillas accept you, you got it made in the shade.
Quote from Kramer
Kramer: You know I'm supposed to go on this special tour today with George's girlfriend?
Jerry: At the zoo?
Kramer: Yeah, but before I met up with her, I stopped to look at the monkeys, when all of a sudden I am hit in the face with a banana peel. I turn and look and there is this monkey really laughing it up. Then someone tells me that he did it. Well, I pick up the banana peel and I wait for that monkey to turn around. And then I... let him have it.
Jerry: Kramer, you threw a banana peel at a monkey?
Kramer: Well, he started it!
Jerry: It's a monkey, Kramer!
Kramer: Well, he pushed my buttons, I couldn't help it, Jerry.
Jerry: Well, I still think it's wrong.
Kramer: All right, all right, fine. You take the monkey's side, all right, go ahead.
Jerry: I'm not taking anyone's side.
Kramer: Cause I know what happened, Jerry.
Quote from Kramer
Mr. Pless: Well, Mr. Kramer, to get right to it, we're having a bit of a problem with Barry.
Kramer: Barry?
Mr. Pless: The chimpanzee.
Kramer: Oh. Well, uh, what's the problem?
Mr. Pless: Well, he's not functioning the way he normally does. He seems depressed. He's lost his appetite. He's even curtailed his autoerotic activities. And we think this is directly related to the altercation he had with you the other day.
Kramer: So, so what do you want me to do?
Mr. Pless: Well, frankly we'd like you to apologize.
Kramer: Yeah, well he started it.
Mr. Pless: Mr. Kramer, he is an innocent primate.
Kramer: So am I! I mean, what about my feelings? Don't my feelings count for anything? Oh, only the poor monkey's important. Everything has to be done for the monkey!