Jerry Quote #1127
Quote from Jerry in The Scofflaw
[stand-up:]
Jerry: The big new accessory with eyeglasses, seems to be that strap, that connects in the back so you can take them on and off. Which I don't get, because I thought, if you have glasses, isn't that because you need to wear glasses? "You need glasses", isn't that what they say? I mean, an eye doctor doesn't say, "Would you care for some glasses?" When people have crutches, they don't have like a little chain attached to their belt, so they can just let go of them every now and then. Why not get a toupee with a rubber band for when you're water-skiing, the thing could just...
Seinfeld Quotes
‘The Scofflaw’ Quotes
Quote from Newman
Kramer: All right. Now you listen, and you listen good. I know who you are. You're the scofflaw.
Newman: [defensive] What are you talking about...
Kramer: Ah, don't play dumb. It's me, Cosmo.
Newman: All right, so it's me. So what?
Kramer: You don't think I know how you're feeling, every second of the day? Looking over your shoulder to see if someone's coming up from behind. Sitting alone at night, knowing they could be closing in.
Newman: I can't sleep, I tell you! I can't sleep!
Kramer: Of course you can't, you poor sap! Now why didn't you tell me?
Newman: I couldn't. I couldn't tell anyone.
Kramer: So you been living this secret the whole time by yourself?
Newman: [sobbing] Yes, it's been awful. I wanted to tell somebody. [pleads] Help me Kramer! Help me!
Quote from Elaine
Kramer: [opens the door to leave] Anyway, I told Jake that you said hi.
Elaine: What? [slams the door shut] You told Jake I said hi?
Kramer: Yeah.
Elaine: I can't believe you did that! Why did you tell him I said hi? I never said hi! [to Jerry] When did I say hi?
Jerry: I never heard her say hi.
Kramer: Well, it's uh, common courtesy.
Elaine: No, no. Kramer, you don't understand. He made the last contact between us. I had the upper hand in the post-breakup relationship. If he thinks that I said hi, then I lose the upper hand.
Jerry: It's like a game of tag.
Quote from Kramer
Jerry: Hey, do you know what the whip does?
Kramer: What whip?
Jerry: The whip in the Senate, in the House.
Kramer: Well, you know in the old days, when the senators didn't vote the way that the party leaders wanted 'em to... they whipped them. "You better vote the way we want you to, or there's gonna be big trouble. [whip sound]"