[stand-up:]
Jerry: I find the human fascination with water is amazing. We're constantly going to beaches, pools, lakes, rivers. We're swimming, we're snorkeling, we're scuba-diving. We bathe in it. Our bodies are mostly made of water. Everyone's carrying around these bottles of water. It's like we can't get enough water. Unless it rains, then we're like, "Oh, look. I'm soaked. I am literally drenched." For some reason, we have a huge problem with small, flying water. It'll just stop us right in our tracks. "I felt a drop. We're gonna get caught in it! Everyone cover your water bottles. Run!"

Rachel: Strange man.
Jerry: Wait'll you get to know him.
Rachel: So where is this baby, anyway?
Jerry: Oh, check it out. I guarantee you've never seen anything quite so objectionable. It's down the hall, third door on your left.
[Rachel walks in on George as he's changing his swim suit]
Rachel: Oh, my God! I'm sorry, I thought this was the baby's room. [chuckles] I'm really sorry.
George: I was in the pool! I was in the pool!

George: What if she discusses it with Jane?
Jerry: Oh, she's not gonna tell Jane.
George: How do you know?
Jerry: Women aren't like us.
George: They're worse! They're much worse than us, they talk about everything! Couldn't you at least tell her about the shrinkage factor?
Jerry: No, I'm not gonna tell her about your shrinkage. Besides, I think women know about shrinkage.
George: How do women know about shrinkage?
Jerry: Isn't it common knowledge?