George: [hoarse from shouting] I was trying to lead the way. We needed a leader! Someone to lead the way to safety.
Robin: But you yelled, "Get out of my way"!
George: Because... Because... As the leader, if I die, then all hope is lost! Who would lead? The clown? Instead of castigating me, you should all be thanking me. What kind of a topsy-turvy world do we live in, where heroes are cast as villains? Brave men as cowards?
Robin: But I saw you push the women and children out of the way in a mad panic. I saw you knock them down. And when you ran out, you left everyone behind.
George: Seemingly. Seemingly. To the untrained eye, I can fully understand how you got that impression. What looked like pushing, what looked like knocking down...was a safety precaution! In a fire, you stay close to the ground, am I right? Oh! And when I ran out that door, I was not leaving anyone behind! Oh-ho, quite the contrary! I risked my life making sure that exit was clear. Any other questions?
Fireman: How do you live with yourself?
George: It's not easy.

[stand-up:]
Jerry: To me, the thing about birthday parties is that the first birthday party you have and the last birthday party you have are actually quite similar. You know, you just kinda sit there. You're the least excited person at the party. You don't even really realize that there is a party. You don't know what's going on. Both birthday parties, people have to kinda help you blow out the candles, you can't do it. You don't even know why you're doing it. What is this ritual? What is going on? It's also the only two birthday parties where other people have to gather your friends together for you. Sometimes they're not even your friends. They make the judgement. They bring them in, they sit them down, and they tell you, "These are your friends!" Tell them, "Thank you for coming to my birthday party."

Jerry: So you feel "women and children first", in this day and age, is somewhat of an antiquated notion.
George: To some degree.
Jerry: So basically, it's every man, woman, child, and invalid for themselves.
George: In a manner of speaking.
Jerry: Well, it's honest.
George: Yeah. She should be commending me for treating everyone like equals.
Jerry: Well, perhaps when she's released from the burn center, she'll see things differently.
George: Perhaps.
Jerry: So, what was the fire? Just a couple of greasy hamburgers?
George: Yeah. Eric the clown put it out with his big shoe.