Jerry Quote #949
[stand-up:]
Jerry: To me, the thing about marriage is I can't believe how often it happens. I mean, I like the idea of it. But I can't believe that many people are meeting people that they want to see every single day, every day, every day, every day, every day. That should happen, like, three or four times in, you know, a whole century. Like any major investment, you have to sign a marriage contract. Here's your person. If you're a man, the bride's family pays for the wedding, that's like getting cashback. "Till death do us part", that's like the extended warranty program. Then you give her the ring, that's the keys. You slide it on, start him up, but you've got to try and make it work. Because remember, your value drops 20 percent the minute you drive each other off the lot.
Seinfeld Quotes
‘The Wife’ Quotes
Quote from George
George: Well, what was I supposed to do? Get out of the shower, put on my bathrobe? Go all the way down to the other end? Come all the way back?
Elaine: Did you ever hear of... holding it in?
George: Oh, no... No, that's very bad for the kidneys.
Elaine: How do you know?
George: Medical journals!
Jerry: Do the medical journals mention anything about standing in a pool of someone else's urine?
Quote from George
George: Could it be because you don't want him to know that you have a friend who pees in the shower, is that it?!
Elaine: No, that's not it!
George: Oh, I think it is! I think that's exactly what it is!
Elaine: Why couldn't you just wait?
George: I was there! I saw a drain!
Elaine: Since when is a drain a toilet?!
George: It's all pipes! What's the difference?!
Elaine: Different pipes go to different places! You're gonna mix 'em up!
George: I'll call a plumber right now!
Quote from George
Elaine: Mmm, what happened?
George: Nothing, I said it was a little problem.
Elaine: Yeah? What was it?
George: Well, I was in the locker room showering, and I... I had to go, so...
Jerry: Here we go.
George: Anyway, I think the guy in the shower opposite saw me. He even gave me a dirty look.
Elaine: You went... in the shower?
George: Yeah, so what? I'm not the only one!