Elaine: Oh, don't you know what this means? It's like working with Tolstoy.
Jerry: Hey, you know what, I read the most unbelievable thing about Tolstoy the other day. Did you know the original title for "War and Peace" was "War - What Is It Good For?"!
Elaine: Ha ha.
Jerry: No, no. I'm not kidding, Elaine. It's true. His mistress didn't like the title and insisted that he change it to "War and Peace"!
Elaine: But it's a line from that song.
Jerry: That's where they got it from.

George: So I started to walk into the water. I won't lie to you boys, I was terrified! But I pressed on. And as I made my way past the breakers, a strange calm came over me. I don't know if it was divine intervention or the kinship of all living things but I tell you, Jerry, at that moment, I was a marine biologist!
Elaine: George, I was just reading this thing in the papers, it's amazing!
George: I know. I was just telling them the story.
Kramer: Come on, George, finish the story.
George: The sea was angry that day, my friends. Like an old man trying to return soup at a deli! I got about fifty-feet out and then suddenly the great beast appeared before me. I tell you, he was ten stories high if he was a foot. As if sensing my presence he let out a great bellow. I said, "Easy, big fella!" And then, as I watched him struggling, I realized something was obstructing its breathing. From where I was standing I could see directly into the eye of the great fish!
Jerry: Mammal.
George: Whatever.
Kramer: Well, what did you do next?
George: Well, then, from out of nowhere a huge tidal wave lifted, tossed like a cork and I found myself on top of him face to face with the blow-hole. I could barely see from the waves crashing down upon me but I knew something was there. So I reached my hand in, felt around and pulled out the obstruction!
[George pulls out a golf ball. Jerry and George stare at Kramer.]
Kramer: What is that a Titleist? A hole in one, huh?

Mr. Lippman: You know, Tolstoy use to write in the village square. The faces inspired him.
Testikov: He did not need any inspiration. God spoke through his pen.
Elaine: Oh, that is so true! Although, one wonders if "War and Peace" would has been as highly acclaimed as it was had it been published under its original title, "War - What Is It Good For?"
Mr. Lippman: What?
Elaine: Yes. Mr. Lippman, it was his mistress who insisted he called it "War and Peace."
Mr. Lippman: Elaine.
Elaine: "War - What Is It Good For." [sings] Absolutely nothin'! Ho! Say it again. [to Testikov] It's a song. They got that from Tolstoy.