Jerry Quote #884
[stand-up:]
Jerry: Now, of course, the thing is extreme sports. Bungee jumping. To me, if the bungee jumping is a sport, so is being a crash-test dummy. Just leaning does not make it a sport. It's like a Wile E. Coyote idea, isn't it? The thing I wonder about the skydiving, is why do they even bother with the helmets? Can you almost make it? You might as well wear a party hat. What's the difference? I mean, you jump out of a plane 20,000 feet in the air, the chute doesn't open, I got news for you: The helmet is now wearing you for protection. Later on, the helmet is talking to the other helmets: "Boy, it's a good thing he was there, or I would have hit the ground directly."
Seinfeld Quotes
‘The Stall’ Quotes
Quote from Elaine
Elaine: Excuse me. I'm sorry. This is, uh... This is kind of embarrassing... but there's no toilet paper over here.
Jane: Are you talking to me?
Elaine: Yeah. I just forgot to check, so if you could spare some...
Jane: No, I'm sorry.
Elaine: What?
Jane: No, I'm sorry. I can't spare it.
Elaine: You can't spare it?
Jane: No. There's not enough to spare.
Elaine: Well, I don't need much. Just three squares will do it.
Jane: I'm sorry, I don't have three squares. Now, if you don't mind...
Elaine: Three squares? You can't spare three squares?
Jane: No, I don't have a square to spare. I can't spare a square!
Elaine: Well, is it two-ply? Because if it's two-ply, I'll take one ply. One ply. One puny little ply. I'll take one measly ply!
Jane: Look, I don't have a square and I don't have a ply! [toilet flushes]
Elaine: No, no, don't go! I beg you!
Quote from Kramer
Jerry: Oh, you think she's Erica, the phone-sex woman?
Kramer: Jerry, that voice is tattooed on my brain, it's her. I'm telling you, it's her!
Jerry: Oh, you're crazy.
Kramer: Am I? Or am I so sane that you just blew your mind?
Jerry: It's impossible!
Kramer: Is it? Or is it so possible that your head is spinning like a top?
Jerry: It can't be!
Kramer: Can't it? Or is your entire world just crashing down all around you?
Quote from Elaine
Elaine: He's supposed to get the bandages off on Sunday. What if...?
Jerry: What?
Elaine: You know...
Jerry: Oh, you're afraid he might look like Zippy the Pinhead.
Elaine: Yeah. I mean, what is my obligation here? You know, we were just dating. It was probably gonna be over in a couple of weeks anyway.
Jerry: Oh, I thought you didn't care about his looks.
Elaine: I lied.
Jerry: Uh-huh.
Elaine: Are you kidding? He's a mimbo. I know that. But he's my mimbo. You know, and even if he is a hideous freak... Maybe I can learn to love him. And maybe in some final irony... I'll learn what love really is. You know, Jerry?
Jerry: I'm sorry. I didn't get most of that.