[stand-up:]
Jerry: If there's a serial killer loose in your neighborhood, it seems like the safest thing is to be the neighbor. They never kill the neighbor. The neighbor always survives to do the interview afterwards. Right? "Oh, he was kind of quiet." I love these neighbors. They're never disturbed by the sounds of murdering, just stereo. Chain saws, people screaming, fine. Just keep the music down. And all these women who always fall in love with the serial killer. They write to him in prison. Here's a woman who's hard to disappoint. I guess she's only upset when she finds out he's stopped killing people and she goes, "You know, sometimes I feel like I don't even know who you are anymore".

Elaine: Oh, the risotto broad.
Jerry: Yeah. He's really got a good thing with her. In fact I'm doubling with them tonight.
Elaine: I thought you didn't like double dates.
Jerry: George likes them. He feels it's a good personality showcase. He likes a date to see him with a friend so she can get a window into his non-date personality.
Elaine: I've looked through that window and screamed at him to shut the blinds.

Jerry: [on the phone] No, eight years isn't such a long streak.
Elaine: It isn't?
Jerry: No, I haven't vomited in thirteen years.
Elaine: Get out!
Jerry: Not since June 29, 1980.
Elaine: You remember the date?
Jerry: Yes, because my previous vomit was also June 29th... 1972. That's why during the '80 vomit, I was yelling to George, "Can you believe it? I'm vomiting on June 29th again."
Elaine: Boy, you know when Joel told me he hadn't thrown up in eight years, I was wondering if he was normal.
Jerry: Oh, Elaine, he's normal. Your boyfriend is a normal guy. He just happens to have the same name as one of the worst serial killers in the history of New York.