Jerry Quote #826

Quote from Jerry in The Non-Fat Yogurt

Maryedith: You know Jerry.
Matthew: Of course, he's the funny [beep]er.
Maryedith: See!
Jerry: Listen, Matthew, I want to explain something to you. Now, cursing is not something that most comedians do.
Matthew: You did it.
Jerry: That's true. But it was an accident. And I haven't done it since. And I would never do it again. And if you continue cursing, you'll never become a comedian like me when you grow up. [phone rings] Excuse me one second.
Elaine: [to George] You know, Lloyd advises Dinkins on everything he does.
George: [to Elaine] Yeah, yeah. Big advisor.
Elaine: He tells him which soap to use.
[Matthew pulls the tape out of Jerry's cassette]
Jerry: What the [beep] are you doing? You little piece of [beep].


 ‘The Non-Fat Yogurt’ Quotes

Quote from George

George: So, he made an appointment for me to see Dinkins' doctor. He's just trying to humiliate me.
Jerry: Uh-huh.
George: And I have to go. If I don't go, he'll know I'm lying.
Jerry: Well, so, what are you going to do? Sit in the doctor's office doing this? He's going to think you're a mental patient.
George: I don't care. Look, Lloyd doesn't know what he's up against. This is nothing to me. My whole life is a lie!

Quote from Newman

Newman: Well, I wouldn't hear of it. I said, "Nice try, granny!" And I sent her to the back of the line! [laughs]
Jerry: Hello, Newman.
Newman: Hello, Jerry. Say, this yogurt is really something, huh? And it's non-fat. I've been waiting for something like this my whole life. And it's finally here!

Quote from George

George: The next morning, I woke up, and it was going like this. I can control it if I really concentrate. But otherwise, oh!
Doctor: Yes, well, I'm going to have to be perfectly honest with you.
George: Please, doctor.
Doctor: I've examined you.
George: Yes.
Doctor: I've looked at your X-rays.
George: Uh-huh.
Doctor: And I find that there's absolutely nothing wrong with you.
George: Hmm. Really? Nothing?
Doctor: Nothing that would indicate involuntary spasms.
George: Well, it's kind of a mystery, isn't it?
Doctor: No, not really.
George: How so?
Doctor: May I suggest the possibility that you're faking?
George: Faking? What makes you think that I have time to see doctors, take X-rays, make appointments, when there's absolutely nothing wrong with me? What kind of a person would do a thing like that?
Doctor: I don't know what kind of a person would do something like that. Obviously a very sick person. A very immature person. A person who has no regard for wasting other people's valuable time. Good-bye.
George: Now, see here, doctor.
Doctor: I said, good-bye.
George: Fine. [stands up, hits elbow on table] Ow!