Jerry Quote #752
[stand-up:]
Jerry: How about that seedless watermelon? What an invention. Scientists are working on this. Other scientists devote their lives to fighting cancer, AIDS, heart disease. These guys go, "No, I'm focusing on melon. Oh, sure, thousands of people are dying needlessly, but this... [mimes spits seed] has got to stop. You ever try and pick a wet one up off the floor? It's almost impossible. I'm devoting my life to that." So I guess if they can get rid of the seeds, the rind is going next. What do we need that for? Get rid of the ring. They're not gonna stop until they're making in-the-ground, ready-to-eat fruit cups growing right out of the ground.
Seinfeld Quotes
‘The Mango’ Quotes
Quote from Kramer
Kramer: Well, you know, we had a fight over the peach and... Well, Joe doesn't want my business.
George: Hey, was that a joke about Houdini?
Jerry: No. [to Kramer] I told you not to say anything.
Kramer: Jerry, what am I gonna do for fruit?
Jerry: Well, you'll have to go to the supermarket.
Kramer: The supermarket? That's impossible! They don't have a decent piece of fruit at the supermarket. The apples are mealy. The oranges are dry. I don't know what's going on with the Papayas! Jerry, you gotta go to Joe's, you gotta get me some fruit!
Quote from George
George: It's all your fault! You and Elaine! All that orgasm talk. She did have an orgasm, she didn't have an orgasm. Orgasm this, orgasm that. I got so focused on it. I started to panic and boom, I lost it. I tried everything, I was talking to him. "Please wake up, do something."
Jerry: They're mysterious little fellows aren't they?
George: I hate 'em!
Jerry: You know, it happens to everybody. It happened to Houdini. And he could get out of a trunk under water with his hands in chains! But he had a problem with that. The miracle is that it ever happens.
George: It's like a magic trick. Sometimes I think it would be easier to bend a spoon mentally than to make that transformation.
Quote from George
George: I don't know. Last time I got the tap.
Jerry: You got the tap?
George: You know, you're going along, you think everything's all right and all of a sudden you get that tap. [George taps his own shoulder]. You know it's like, "[whistles] All right, that's enough. You're through."
Jerry: The tap is tough.
George: It's like the manager coming out and asking you for the ball.
Jerry: Well, maybe she just wanted to move on to other business.
George: No, no, this wasn't moving on. I got the hook. I wish I could get a lesson in that.
Jerry: It's a very complicated area.
George: You can go crazy trying to figure that place out.
Jerry: It's a hazy mystery.