Seinfeld - Kramer Quote #277

Quote from Kramer in The Junior Mint

Dr. Siegel: [o.s.] Now we'll open the peritoneal cavity, exposing the body's internal organs. Nurse, retractor.
Jerry: What are you eating?
Kramer: Junior Mints. Do you want one?
Jerry: No.
Kramer: I can't see. Psst. [motions to the doctor to move out of the way]
Jerry: Where'd you get those?
Kramer: The machine. You want one? Here, take one.
Jerry: I don't want any!
Kramer: No, they're good!
Jerry: I don't want any!
Kramer: Just take one.
Jerry: No! Kramer, stop it!
[Jerry tussles with Kramer as he tries to force a Junior Mint on him. The Junior Mint goes flying from the observation deck, and lands in Roy's surgical cavity. The doctors and nurses hear a sound but have no idea what happened.]

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‘The Junior Mint’ Quotes

Quote from Kramer

Dr. Siegel: [to Roy] I just wanted to stop by to see if you had any questions about tomorrow's operation.
Kramer: Yeah, I have a question. What do you know about inter-abdominal retractors?
Dr. Siegel: Are you asking because you saw 20/20 last night?
Kramer: I sure am.
Dr. Siegel: Well, that report was about one very specific type of retractor and I can assure you we do not use that kind type of retractor in your friend's procedure.
Kramer: But you will use... a retractor.
Dr. Siegel: We have to.
Kramer: Mmm-hmm.

Quote from Kramer

Dr. Siegel: Tell you what. You're obviously concerned about your friend's welfare. A few of my students will be observing tomorrow's operation from the viewing gallery. How would you like to watch it with them?
Kramer: I'd love to watch the operation, yeah!
Jerry: I dunno.
Kramer: Oh, come on Jerry. You gotta see the operation. They're gonna cut him open. His guts will be all over the place.
Jerry: Yeah, that's true.
Kramer: They'll saw through bone. You'll see what's inside bone!

Quote from Jerry

[stand-up:]
Jerry: You can't just have an adultery, you commit adultery. And you can't even commit adultery unless you already have a commitment. So you have to make the commitment before you can even think about committing it. There's no commit without the commit. Then, once you commit, then you can commit the adultery and then you get caught, get divorced, lose your mind and they have you committed. But, you know, some people actually cheat on the people that they're cheating with. Which is like, you know, being in a hold up and then turning to the robber next to you and going, "All right, give me everything you have, too".

Kramer Quotes

Quote from The Package

Jerry: So we're going to make the post office pay for my new stereo?
Kramer: It's a write-off for them.
Jerry: How is it a write-off?
Kramer: They just write it off.
Jerry: Write it off what?
Kramer: Jerry, all these big companies, they write off everything
Jerry: You don't even know what a write-off is.
Kramer: Do you?
Jerry: No. I don't.
Kramer: But they do. And they're the ones writing it off.

Quote from The Pool Guy

Kramer: [answers phone] Hello, and welcome to Moviefone. Brought to you by The New York Times and Hot 97. Coming to theaters this Friday: Kevin Bacon, Susan Sarandon, "You've got to get me over that mountain!" "No!" [bang, bang] "Argh" There is no place higher than ... Mountain High. Rated R. If you know the name of the movie you'd like to see, press 1.
Elaine: Kramer, is that you?
Kramer: Elaine?
Elaine: Uh, what time does Chow Fun start?
Kramer: I don't know.

Quote from The Jimmy

Kramer: You know, you really shouldn't brush 24 hours before seeing the dentist.
Jerry: I think that's eat 24 hours before surgery.
Kramer: Oh, no, you got to eat before surgery. You need your strength.