Jerry Quote #633

Quote from Jerry in The Visa

Babu: The problem is I never got my visa renewal form in the mail. I was expecting it.
Jerry: Yes. Well, see, here's the thing, Babu. Um, what happened was I was away for a couple of weeks doing some comedy shows.
Babu: Comedy shows! You're a very funny man.
Jerry: And, well, Elaine here was picking up my mail while I was away, because you know that little box can get very full.
Babu: Oh, yes. Yes, of course. TV Guide, magazines, everything. You know, I would have picked up your mail, your box is right next to mine.
Jerry: Oh, I don't want to bother you.
Babu: No bother! You get me job, you get me apartment. You very very good man.

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 ‘The Visa’ Quotes

Quote from Jerry

Elaine: Look, I was nice enough to pick it up for you
Jerry: Hey, I've been back four days. I want my mail.
Elaine: It's mostly bills, magazines and junk mail anyway.
Jerry: Elaine, that's what mail is. Without bills, magazines and junk mail, there is no mail.

Quote from George

Cheryl: What kind of a friend are you?
George: You see, I convinced him to act like that so that you would think I was funnier. That's how disturbed I am! If you want disturbed? That's disturbed. You can't find sickness like that anywhere. You think sickness like that grows on trees? Nobody is sicker than me. Nobody. He's pretending, I'm the genuine article.
Cheryl: So you're telling me Jerry's whole thing was an act?
George: Yes! And I put him up to it, because I'm sick! I'm the one that needs help.
Cheryl: I gotta go.
George: Well, should I call you later?
Cheryl: Please don't.
George: But- But I'm disturbed! I'm depressed! I'm inadequate! I got it all!

Quote from Jerry

[stand-up:]
Jerry: What are lawyers, really? To me, a lawyer is basically the person that knows the rules of the country. We're all throwing the dice, playing the game, moving our pieces around the board, but if there's a problem, the lawyer is the only person that has read the inside of the top of the box. I think one of the fun things for them is to say, "objection." "Objection! Objection, your Honor." Objection, of course, is the adult version of, "afraid not." To which the judge can say two things, he can say, "overruled" which is the adult version of "afraid so," or he could say, "sustained," which is the adult version of "Duh."