[stand-up:]
Jerry: There's this whole talking during sex business. I mean, what are we doing here? The question is... Does the talking really improve the sex, or is the sex act now just there to spice up the conversation? Of course, eventually, I'm sure people will get too tired, too lazy, even for phone sex. They'll start having phone machine sex, you know. "Yeah, I want you really bad. Just leave it on the tape." And then I guess the phone company will come out with sex waiting. I guess that will be the new thing. "Yeah, hold on, honey. I've got another call." "Oh, hi, baby. One second." "Honey, I've got to take this. Yeah, I've got sex waiting on the other line and I've got to take this."

Mrs. Ross: Doesn't George look like your sister, Sarah?
Mr. Ross: A slight resemblance.
Mrs. Ross: Her son's a podiatrist, you know.
George: Oh, I have tremendous respect for people who work with feet. I mean, to dedicate yourself to the foot. You're toiling in virtual anonymity. I mean...

[stand-up:]
Jerry: I don't think people think of their office as a workplace. I think people think of it as a stationery store with Danish. You know what I mean? You wanna get your pastry, your envelopes, your supplies, your toilet paper, six cups of coffee, and you go home. Why do people who work in offices have pictures of their family on their desk facing them? Do they forget that they're married? Do they go, "All right, 5:00. Time to hit the bars and pick up some hookers. Hold it a second, I got a wife and three kids. I better get home. I completely forgot."