Jerry Quote #394
Quote from Jerry in The Suicide
[stand-up:]
Jerry: The thing I don’t understand about the suicide person is the people who try and commit suicide for some reason, they don’t die and then that’s it. They stop trying. Why? Why don’t they just keep trying? What has changed? Is their life any better now? No. In fact it’s worse because now they’ve found out one more thing you stink at. Okay, that’s why these people don't succeed in life to begin with. Because they give up too easy. I say, pills don’t work, try a rope. Car won't start in the garage, get a tune up. You know what I mean? There's nothing more rewarding than reaching a goal you have set for yourself.
Seinfeld Quotes
‘The Suicide’ Quotes
Quote from George
George: Are there terrorists on the plane? A hotel fire. Is that it? Malaria? Yellow fever? Lupus? Is it Lupus?
Quote from Jerry
George: Hey, I'm all set. I got the ticket. I'm going to the Cayman Islands this Friday.
Jerry: I don't get you. Who goes on vacation without a job? What do you need a break from getting up at eleven?
George: It's an incredible deal. I don't know why you don't come with me.
Jerry: I don't go for these non-refundable deals. I can't commit to a woman. I'm not going to commit to an airline.
Quote from Jerry
[stand-up:]
Jerry: I'm going to get a physical examination. To me, that urine sample, giving them that is always a pleasure, isn't it? Then there's always the amount question. I don't know what you need. I gave you whatever I have there. That's... I've got more. Whatever you need. I could get more. Just let me know what you need. It's no problem. But, I mean, any kind of physical test, I always click into this thing where I want to do really well, you know. If there's going to be a physical test, I want to do well. Remember, when you were in school, they'd do those hearing tests. And you'd really be listening, you know... Trying to be really... Trying to do well. I want to do well, you know. I wanted to do unbelievable on the hearing test. I wanted them to come to me after the test and go: "We think you may have something close to super hearing. What you heard was a cotton ball touching a piece of felt. We're sending the results to Washington. We'd like you to meet the President."