[stand-up:]
Jerry: Most men like working on things, tools, objects, fixing things. This is what men enjoy doing. Have you ever noticed a guy's out in his driveway working on something with tools, how all the other men in the neighborhood are magnetically drawn to this activity. They just come wandering out of the house like zombies. Men, it's true, men hear a drill, it's like a dog whistle. Just, you know, they go running up to that living room curtain, "Honey, I think Jim's working on something over there." So they run over to the guy. Now they don't actually help the guy. No, they just want to hang around the area where work is being done. That's what men want to do. We want to watch the guy, we want to talk to him, we want to ask him dumb questions. You know, "What are you using, a Philips head?" You know, we feel involved. That's why when they have construction sites, they have to have those wood panel fences around it. That's just to keep the men out. They cut those little holes for us so we can see what the hell is going on. But if they don't cut those holes, we are climbing those fences. Right over there. "What are you using the steel girders down there? Yeah, that'll hold."

Joel: So my shrink wants me to bring my mother in for a session. This guy is a brilliant man. Lenny Bruce used to go to him... And I think, uh, Geraldo.
Jerry: You know, I read the Lenny Bruce biography, I thought it was really-
Joel: Hey, hey, hey, hey we're starving here! We've been waiting here for ten minutes already!
Jerry: So, I'm thinking about going to Iran this summer.
Joel: I have to eat! I mean, I'm hypoglycemic.
Jerry: Anyway, the Hezbollah has invited me to perform. You know, it's their annual terrorist luncheon. I'm gonna do it is Farsi.

Elaine: Come on, let's go do something. I don't want to just sit around here.
Jerry: Okay.
Elaine: Want to go get something to eat?
Jerry: Where do you want to go?
Elaine: I don't care, I'm not hungry.
Jerry: We could go to one of those cappuccino places. They let you just sit there.
Elaine: What are we gonna do there? Talk?
Jerry: We can talk.
Elaine: I'll go if I don't have to talk.
Jerry: We'll just sit there.