Mr. Steinbrenner: [on the phone] Don Tyler? George Steinbrenner here. I want to talk about George Costanza. I understand he's been dividing his time between us and you. I cannot have that.
Don Tyler: Well, I don't know who he is but if you want him that bad I'm not giving him up that easily.
Mr. Steinbrenner: Oh, is that so. Playing a little hardball, huh, Donnyboy?
Don Tyler: How about this? You give me Costanza, I convert your concessions to all chicken, no charge. Instead of hot dogs, chicken dogs. Instead of pretzels, chicken twists. Instead of beer, alcoholic chicken.
Mr. Steinbrenner: How do you make that alcoholic chicken?
Don Tyler: Let if ferment, just like everything else.
Mr. Steinbrenner: That stuff sounds great. All right. I'll have Costanza on the next bus.

George: You wanted to see me Mr. Steinbrenner?
Mr. Steinbrenner: Yes, George. Come in. Come in. You know, George, I've been your biggest supporter around here and that's why I was so disappointed to hear that you been pilfering the equipment.
George: George would never do anything like that.
Mr. Steinbrenner: No, why would I? I own it.
George: Right.
Mr. Steinbrenner: So what are you saying?
George: Why would George steal from the Yankees?
Mr. Steinbrenner: He wouldn't.
George: 'course not.
Mr. Steinbrenner: Exactly. [mumbles] I don't really know what the hell's going on here.
George: Sir?
Mr. Steinbrenner: Nothing.
George: Well, I was thinking it's about time for George's lunch.
Mr. Steinbrenner: Yes, it is. All right, let's see what I have today. Oh, darn it. It's ham & cheese again. And she forgot the fancy mustard. I told her I like that fancy mustard. You know, you could put that fancy mustard on a shoe and it would taste pretty good to me. Oh, she made it up with a cupcake, though. Hey, look at this. You know, I got a new system for eating these things, George. I used to peel off the chocolate, now I turn them upside down. I eat the cake first and save the frosting for the end. It's almost a dessert dessert.

Mr. Steinbrenner: Come in! [Wilhelm enters] Ah, Wilhelm.
Wilhelm: Mr. Steinbrenner, I am very concerned about George Costanza.
Mr. Steinbrenner: How about a "good morning"?
Wilhelm: Yes, sir. Good morning. Good morning, sir.
Mr. Steinbrenner: Good morning to you, Wilhelm.
Wilhelm: Anyway, his car's in the parking lot. The front end is bashed in, and there's blood in the car, and we can't find him anywhere. Obviously, he was in some sort of terrible car accident, and, trooper
that he is, he tried to make it into work, sir.
Mr. Steinbrenner: All right, Wilhelm, listen to me. I want the stadium scoured. He could be bleeding to death in the bullpen. Put everyone on alert. Check all the area hospitals, clinics, shelters. We've gotta find that kid.
Wilhelm: Yes, sir. Yes, sir.
Mr. Steinbrenner: We must find George. Find him, Wilhelm!

Mr. Steinbrenner: What is with these people, all day long. Come in, come in.
Wilhelm: Mr. Steinbrenner, you know, we've searched everywhere. There's no sign of him. Not even anyone who remotely fits his description, sir.
Mr. Steinbrenner: Oh my God, do you know what this means, Wilhelm?
Wilhelm: What, sir?
Mr. Steinbrenner: He's dead! Costanza's dead!
Wilhelm: Well, no, no, sir. You see, I don't think-
Mr. Steinbrenner: Oh, as quickly as he came here, he's gone. The poor little guy! Easy. Easy, big Stein, get it together. Okay, Wilhelm.
Wilhelm: Yes, sir?
Mr. Steinbrenner: Find out where his parents live.
Wilhelm: Parents.
Mr. Steinbrenner: I'm gonna personally notify them. And, uh, line up some candidates to fill that assistant to the General Manager position. We can't grieve forever! We gotta get back to business! Back to business, Wilhelm!

George: Well, currently, the doors on the bathroom stalls, here at the stadium, don't offer much by way of privacy. But I was thinking if we extend the doors all the way to the floor...
Mr. Steinbrenner: All the way to the floor! What are you out your mind? You'd suffocate in there. You'rer lucky you have any doors at all. You know, when I was in the army... Hey, Costanza. What is that you're eating over there? That looks pretty tasty.
George: It's a calzone, sir.
Mr.. Steinbrenner: A calzone, huh? Pass it down here. Let's get a little look at at it. I want a little taste. Come on, come on. Pass it down here. That's a good boy. Okay. What's in this thing?
George: Uh. Cheese, pepperoni, eggplant.
Mr. Steinbrenner: Eggplant. Oh, that's a hell of a thing. Okay, back to business. Okay, here you go. Very good, very good. Excellent. Excellent calzone you got there Costanza. I'm a little jealous now. Okay, here we go. [talks rapidly] Like I told you last week, the renovation of the press box is taking too long. [normal voice] Boy, you know that eggplant was very good. Everybody out. I got eggplant on my mind. Costanza, go get me couple of those calzones right now. Pronto. Move out. Big Stein wants an eggplant calzone. He ust have one. Everybody out. Out. Hurry up. Hurry up.

Mr. Steinbrenner: What did he do with it? It's gotta be here somewhere. I'm not crazy. I can smell it. [sniffs Kramer's shirt] Oh, hey, Costanza. How come these clothes smell like calzone?
George: My friend put them in the pizza oven.
Mr. Steinbrenner: Put them in a pizza oven? What for?
George: To heat them up.
Mr. Steinbrenner: That's not a bad idea. How about this? We'll put all the uniforms in big pizza ovens before the game. That's fantastic. Keep those muscles loosey-goosey. This could be big. Clean up this mess, will you? Big Stein's onto something. I smell a pennant!

D.A. Hoyt: So George Costanza came to work for you in May of 1994?
Mr. Steinbrenner: Yes, that's right, he was good kid. A lovely boy. Shared his calzone with me. That was a heck of a sandwich, wasn't it, Georgie?
George: Yes, sir, that was a good sandwich, sir.
Mr. Steinbrenner: He had one little problem though.
D.A. Hoyt: What was that?
Mr. Steinbrenner: He was a communist. Pink as they come. Like a big juicy steak!
Frank Costanza: How could you give twelve million dollars to Hideki Irabu?!
Judge Vandelay: Order!

George: Mr. Steinbrenner, can I talk to you for a second?
Mr. Steinbrenner: Yes, yes, George. Can you talk to me for a second? Of course you can. I'm a very accessible man. I just wanted to say you're doing great work on that Canola oil stuff.
George: Well, you know, to be honest, sir, my new secretary Ada, came up with that one.
Mr. Steinbrenner: Ada, Ada. I like that name, George.
George: She supports her whole family.
Mr. Steinbrenner: Is that a fact, George?
George: Yes, in fact, her mother is in the hospital right now. It's some kind of a Diverticulitis.
Mr. Steinbrenner: I had a bout of that myself one time. It knocked me right on my ass.
George: She can't even afford to go out to lunch. She's been eating in a high school cafeterias She pretends to be a teacher. It's pathetic.
Mr. Steinbrenner: What's that cost her, like, two and a quarter?
George: You know, what I was just thinking she could really use a raise.
Mr. Steinbrenner: You know, she'd be better off making a sandwich at home and bringing it in. [picks up the phone] Hello? Uh, George will you excuse me.

George: You wanted to see me, Mr. Steinbrenner?
Mr. Steinbrenner: Yes, George, please, come in, come in. Thanks for the card. I loved it. Gosh it made me feel good. You know, George, word has it that you were the brains behind the whole thing.
George: Oh, no, not just me, the whole organization, you know. Especially Mr. Morgan.
Mr. Steinbrenner: Morgan. Morgan. You know, his name is conspicuously absent from this card. Almost like he went out of his way not to sign it.
George: Oh no, Morgan is a good man sir.
Mr. Steinbrenner: You can stop kowtowing to Morgan. Congratulations, you've got his job.
George: Well- Uh, thank you, sir. You know, I'm not quite sure I'm right for it.
Mr. Steinbrenner: Oh, it's done, George. He's out, you're in. A lot more work you know.
George: I know.
Mr. Steinbrenner: A lot more responsibility. Long, long hours.
George: I know.
Mr. Steinbrenner: Not much more money. But you'll finally get the recognition you deserve.
George: That's what I'm afraid of. You know, Mr. Steinbrenner-0
Mr. Steinbrenner: You know, George, as painful as it is, I've had to let a few people go over the years. Yogi Berra, Lou Piniella, Bucky Dent, Billy Martin, Dallas Green, Dick Hauser, Bill Virdon, Billy Martin, Stump Merrill, Billy Martin, Bob Lemon, Billy Martin, Gene Michael, Buck Showalter... Uh, tut! George, you didn't hear that from me. [George exits] George!

George: You wanted to see me, Mr. Steinbrenner?
Mr. Steinbrenner: Yes, George, come in, come in. George, word has it you've been cracking under the pressure. Can't cope, can't stand the heat. Spit the bit.
George: Mr. Steinbrenner, I can explain...
Mr. Steinbrenner: Oh, we all get a little cuckoo sometimes, George, I used to be like you. Beating personnel 'till they cried, calling managers on the field during a game, threatening to move the team to New Jersey just to upset people. Then I found a way to relax. I've got two words to say to you, George. Hot tub.