Kramer: You want to get outta here? Here's what we do. We leave the car here, we take the plates off, we scratch the serial number off the engine block, and we walk away.
Jerry: Walk away?
Kramer: You've got insurance. You tell them that the car was stolen, and then you get another one free.
Jerry: Isn't there a deductible?
Kramer: All right, what is your deductible?
Jerry: I don't know.
Kramer: Yes, because they've already deducted it.
Jerry: From what?
Kramer: The car, which we're leaving. So the net is zero. See you pocket the money, if there is any, and you get a new car.

George: Hey, by the way, if anybody wants an inside tour of the zoo, Siena works there as a trainer.
Kramer: So she works at the zoo?
George: Yeah, yeah.
Kramer: Yeah, like Dian Fossey. You know, she's the only person that's ever been accepted into gorilla society. And you know, once those gorillas accept you, you got it made in the shade.

Jerry: So you won't believe what happened with Whatley today. It got back to him that I made this little dentist joke and he got all offended. Those people can be so touchy.
Kramer: Those people? Listen to yourself.
Jerry: What?
Kramer: You think that dentists are so different from me and you? They came to this country just like everybody else in search of a dream.
Jerry: Whatley's from Jersey.
Kramer: Yes, and now he's a full-fledged American.
Jerry: Kramer, he's just a dentist.
Kramer: Yeah, and you're an anti-dentite.
Jerry: I am not an anti-dentite!
Kramer: You're a rabid anti-dentite! Oh, it starts with a few jokes and some slurs. "Hey, denty!" Next thing you know, you're saying they should have their own schools.
Jerry: They do have their own schools!
Kramer: Yeah!

Kramer: [coughs repeatedly]
Jerry: What is with that?!
Kramer: Well, it's coughing, Jerry. It expells the diseased germs out of the body into the air.

Kramer: No expiration date on this. [opens it and starts coughing on the food]
Jerry: There is now. Kramer, you should really get that cough checked out by a doctor.
Kramer: Nah, nah, nah. No doctors for me. A bunch of lackeys and yes-men all towing the company line. Plus, they botched my vasectomy.
Jerry: They botched it?
Kramer: I'm even more potent now!

Kramer: What happened here?
Elaine: I don't know. I don't know. What should we do? We called an ambulance. Does anyone know first aid?
Jerry: Shouldn't you do something with the extremities?
Elaine: What extremities?
Kramer: What's an extremity?
Jerry: Well, you raise the feet, get blood to the head.
Kramer: No, you raise the head, you get blood to the feet!

Kramer: Well, you know, we had a fight over the peach and... Well, Joe doesn't want my business.
George: Hey, was that a joke about Houdini?
Jerry: No. [to Kramer] I told you not to say anything.
Kramer: Jerry, what am I gonna do for fruit?
Jerry: Well, you'll have to go to the supermarket.
Kramer: The supermarket? That's impossible! They don't have a decent piece of fruit at the supermarket. The apples are mealy. The oranges are dry. I don't know what's going on with the Papayas! Jerry, you gotta go to Joe's, you gotta get me some fruit!

Kramer: Hey, I just saw a pig-man. A pig-man. He was sleeping, and then he woke up and he looked at me... and he made this horrible sound, this [squeals].
George: Kramer, what are you talking about?
Kramer: I'm talking about a pig-man. I walked in the wrong room, and there he was.
George: A pig-man?
Kramer: A pig-man. Half pig, half man.

Jerry: Well, looks like you've adjusted to the boxers.
Kramer: Well, I wouldn't go as far as that.
Jerry: You went back to the Jockeys?
Kramer: Wrong again.
Jerry: Oh, no.
Elaine: What? What?
Jerry: Don't you see what's going on here? No boxers, no Jockeys.
Elaine: Eww.
Jerry: The only thing between him and us is a thin layer of gabardine. Kramer, say it isn't so.
Kramer: Oh, it be so. I'm out there, Jerry, and I'm loving every minute of it!
Jerry: Don't you need a little help?
Kramer: Surprisingly, no. I'm free. I'm unfettered. I feel like a naked, innocent boy roaming the countryside.

Jerry: You're swimming in the East River? The most heavily-trafficked, overly-contaminated waterway on the eastern seaboard?
Kramer: Technically, Norfolk has more gross tonnage.
Jerry: How could you swim in that water?
Kramer: I saw a couple of other guys out there.
Jerry: Swimming?
Kramer: Well, floating. They weren't moving much. But they were out there.