Kramer: So you know, my friend and I we were going to the movies and we stopped off and bought this caffe latte.
Jackie Chiles: Hmm-hmm. Oh, what is that like Italian coffee?
Kramer: Yeah, that's right.
Jackie Chiles: Half milk, half coffee?
Kramer: Yeah.
Jackie Chiles: Hmm-hmm. You take a sip?
Kramer: Yes, I did.
Jackie Chiles: Now, when you took a sip, did you notice it was hot? Were you able to sip it in your normal fashion?
Kramer: No, I wasn't able to sip it in my normal fashion.
Jackie Chiles: Hmm-hmm. All right, all right. You take big sips?
Kramer: Well, I think I take normal sips.
Jackie Chiles: O.K. You take normal sips. Nothing wrong with that. Then what happened?

[Kramer enters Jackie Chiles' office]
Jackie Chiles: Oh, no.
Kramer: Jackie we gotta talk.
Jackie Chiles: No way, Kramer. You've brought nothing but a mountain of misfortune and humiliation. Now get out.
Kramer: But Jackie--
Jackie Chiles: I said out.
Kramer: Jackie, I think I gotta case against the tobacco companies.
Jackie Chiles: The who?
Kramer: The tobacco companies.
Jackie Chiles: I've been wanting a piece of them for years.

Jackie Chiles: Do you think it's funny?
Jerry: No.
Jackie Chiles: You damn right it isn't. You better not be carrying on laughing in that courtroom, funny man. Cause if you start getting all smart-alecky, making wisecracks, acting a fool, you gonna find yourself in here for a long, long time. I don't like that tie. Suzie, get one of my ties from my briefcase.
Elaine: How do I look, Jackie?
Jackie Chiles: Oh, you looking good. You look strong. You're one fine-looking sexy lady.
Elaine: Thank you, Jackie.
Kramer: How about me, Jackie?
Jackie Chiles: Kramer, you always look good. You got respect for yourself. You're genuine. Jury's going to pick up on that.

D.A. Hoyt: Call Sidra Holland to the stand.
Jackie Chiles: Whew! Look at this one. She's fine. She's a twelve. And you dated her?

Guard: At the time, I was employed as a security guard in the parking lot at the Garden Valley Shopping Mall.
[flashback to Jerry being apprehended for public urination, then lying about a medical condition]
D.A. Hoyt: Uromycitisis! I wonder if they're having any trouble controlling themselves during this trial? Perhaps these two hooligans would like to have a pee party right here in the courtroom!
Jackie Chiles: Objection, Your Honor. This is completely inappropriate. My clients' medical condition is not on trial here. I refer you to the Disability Act of 1990.
Judge Vandelay: Sit down, Mr. Chiles.

Sidra: Oh, Jackie, you're so articulate.
Jackie Chiles: We have plenty of time, too. This jury could be out for days. [phone rings] Hello? Damn. [hangs up] They're ready.

Jackie Chiles: So it was the meeting on the street that prompted you to buy the bra for Miss Mishke. Would you say that was correct?
Elaine: Yes. Um, yes, that's correct.
Jackie Chiles: And you have also brought with you another bra, exactly like the one that she so flagrantly exhibited herself in!
Elaine: Yes, that's correct.

Jackie Chiles: [hands Jerry a tie] Here.
Jerry: This one?
Jackie Chiles: That's right.
Jerry: Do I have to?
Elaine: Jackie says put it on, Jerry.