Helen Seinfeld: You're going underwater?
Jerry: Yes, generally, that's where scuba diving is done.
Helen Seinfeld: What do you have to go underwater for? What's down there that's so special?
Jerry: What's so special up here?

Jerry: Why don't you get a new sofa?
Morty Seinfeld: Nobody uses it.
Jerry: I'm buying you a new sofa.
Helen Seinfeld: Oh, Jerry, don't talk crazy.

Evelyn: That's some good pen. It writes upside down.
Elaine: The astronauts use them.
Helen Seinfeld: What did Blanche say?
Evelyn: I don't know. She said Jerry wanted the pen.
Jerry: I never really wanted the pen.
Morty Seinfeld: He gave him the pen.
Helen Seinfeld: Morty.
Evelyn: Why you don't like the pen?
Jerry: No, no, I...
Evelyn: Cause if you don't like it, give it back to him.
Helen Seinfeld: Is that what she said?
Evelyn: Who?
Helen Seinfeld: Blanche.
Evelyn: What are you talking about?
Helen Seinfeld: [answers the phone] Hello? Oh, hello, Gussy. What? Jerry wouldn't do that. Jack gave it to him. All he said was he liked it. I mean nobody put a gun to his head. [to Jerry] You're giving him back that pen.

Helen Seinfeld: [talking about a waitress] She's very attractive.
Jerry: She's okay.
Helen Seinfeld: Just okay?
Jerry: She's nice.
Helen Seinfeld: She's better than nice.
Jerry: She's all right.
Helen Seinfeld: She's beautiful.
Jerry: She's not beautiful.
Helen Seinfeld: I think she's beautiful.
Jerry: So you ask her out.
Helen Seinfeld: I'm not gonna ask her out.
Jerry: Why not?
Helen Seinfeld: If you don't think she's beautiful, there's something wrong with you.
Jerry: She's pretty. She's not beautiful.
Helen Seinfeld: I should drop dead if she's not beautiful.
Jerry: I think that's a little extreme.

Helen Seinfeld: What's the matter with you?
Jerry: What?
Helen Seinfeld: Why didn't you flirt with her?
Jerry: Come on.
Helen Seinfeld: She was flirting with you. Why didn't you say something?
Jerry: What am I gonna say?
Helen Seinfeld: You just sat there.
Jerry: Well, you made me uncomfortable.
Helen Seinfeld: You're a comedian, couldn't you come up with something?

George: Hey, ooh, I just remembered. My parents really wanna have you guys over for dinner before you leave town. What about tonight?
Helen Seinfeld: Tonight?
George: Yeah, they're making paella.
Helen Seinfeld: Oh, I don't think we think we can make it tonight. We have plans.
Jerry: What plans?
Helen Seinfeld: We have plans.
Jerry: Where'd you get plans?
Helen Seinfeld: We have plans.
George: Well, um, what about tomorrow night?
Helen Seinfeld: Maybe.
George: Okay. Uh, I guess I'll tell them that.
Morty Seinfeld: Hey, give them our best though.

Jerry: Boy, I had no idea you felt this way about the Costanzas.
Helen Seinfeld: They're exhausting. It's like being in an asylum.

Elaine: So, listen, has Jerry been showing you a good time?
Jerry: No, I haven't.
Aaron: [up in Morty's face] You know, I have a friend who works at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. How would you like a behind the scenes tour?
Helen Seinfeld: [turns Aaron towards her] Really, you could do that?
Aaron: Easily. [gets up in Helen's face]
Helen Seinfeld: It wouldn't be any trouble?
Aaron: [even closer] Of course not.
Helen Seinfeld: When would we go?
Aaron: [closer still] How about right now?
Morty Seinfeld: I'm ready.
Helen Seinfeld: Are you sure?
Aaron: Yes.
Helen Seinfeld: Okay, let me get my coat.

Helen Seinfeld: Jerry, have you seen Schindler's List?
Jerry: No, I haven't seen it yet.
Helen Seinfeld: Oh, you have to go. You have to.
Jerry: I'm going.
Helen Seinfeld: You have to.
Jerry: Okay.

Jerry: [answers phone] Hello?
Helen Seinfeld: Where can I buy some ice? Your father likes a lot of ice.
Jerry: I don't know, maybe get an ice tray?
Helen Seinfeld: I can do that.
Jerry: You know Dad just called me.
Helen Seinfeld: Yeah, I know. His phlebitis is acting up.
Jerry: Yeah, all right, well I got some people here.
Helen Seinfeld: Okay.
Jerry: All right, bye.