Kramer: These aren't candies, are they?
George: What? Did you use those? These are guest soaps!
Kramer: Well, I'm a guest.
George: Now my parents are gonna know I had people over.
Jerry: You're not allowed to have people over?
George: I can't have any parties while they're out of town.
Kramer: What, this is a party?

[After Jerry puts his mug down on the coffee table again]
George: Aah!
Jerry: All right, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. [picks it up]
George: Sorry? Jerry, this is not coming out!
Jerry: Just put a coffee table book over it.
George: My parents don't read! They're gonna wonder what a book is doing on the table!

George: Hi, Elaine.
Elaine: Yeah, this... This isn't a very good time, George.
George: I just wanted to talk to Tony for a minute.
Tony: Step off, George. I don't want to see you.
George: Me? Step off?
Elaine: Yeah.
Elaine: Tony says you better step off, George, so...
George: But why? It wasn't my fault. I... You asked me for a sandwich. I... I made such delicious sandwiches, Elaine.
Tony: Just beat it, dude!
George: Here, Elaine, here. It's Superman. Tony, please. Next time, it'll just be the two of us.
Tony: There won't be any next time, George.
George: Oh. Oh, Tony, don't.

Julie: I like Anna Quindlen's column. And Safire. Don't you like Safire?
George: Oh, Safire. [chuckles]
Julie: Although at times, he can be rather pedantic.
George: He can be pedantic. He can be pedantic.
Julie: And Bob Herbert's great. He's with the Daily News.
George: Yes. Yes. You know what's interesting. The quarterback for the Atlanta Falcons is Bobby Hebert. No "r" which I find fascinating. You know, it's Herbert h-e-r-b-e-r-t, Hebert h-e-b-e-r-t. "Hebert", it's a fun name to pronounce. Try and say it Hebert. Go ahead, take a shot.

Elaine: Well, maybe she got a haircut or something.
George: Let me tell you something. No one walks into a beauty parlor and says "Give me the Larry Fine."

Wilhelm: I called this meeting because we have a problem. For the last few months someone has been stealing equipment from the club. Until recently it's been little things, you know. Bases, batting helmets, donuts, but two nights ago they pulled the big one. They took a pitching machine, a batting cage, the in-field tarp and all of Mr Steinbrenner's vitamins. Now, we have reason to believe it's an inside job.
George: [puffing] Whoa!
Wilhelm: If anybody here knows anything about it, I recommend strongly that you come forward.
[Wilhelm notices George patting down his sweaty face]

George: [sings] Something's up There's something in the air.
Jerry: Well, what is with you?
George: Well, I think this is it.
Elaine: What's it?
George: I saw Siena again.
Elaine: Siena?
Jerry: He's dating a crayon.
George: We discussed toilet paper.
Jerry: Toilet paper?
George: Yeah, I told her how toilet paper hasn't changed in my lifetime, and probably wouldn't change in the next fifty thousand years and she was fascinated. Fascinated!

George: You know, I could have actually gone to that.
Siena: So why didn't you?
George: Well, I didn't want to break our date.
Siena: Oh, well...
George: Because I... I love you.
Siena: You know, I'm hungry. Let's get something to eat.

George: I'll tell you what. How about this? Got the date: March 21st, the first day of spring.
Jerry: Spring. Of course.
George: Huh? You know? Spring. Rejuvenation. Rebirth. Everything's blooming. All that crap.
Jerry: Beautiful.
George: She's not gonna like it.
Jerry: No, she's not.
George: You know, I think I'm a little bit scared of her. She's five-three, like a hundred pounds. I'm frightened to death of her.
Jerry: Well, she's a woman. They don't like to be disappointed.
George: Especially her. She does not like disappointment. Well, I have to do it. I can't make December. There's no way I can make December. Right? I mean, you can see that, right? I mean, look at me. Look. Look. Can I make December? I can't make December. Right? Look. Look.
Jerry: Yeah, you'd better shoot for March.

George: You know, I can now bite my fingernails so evenly... I don't even need to use a clipper anymore.
Jerry: But it's a pleasure to use clippers. Why gnaw away like a mental patient when we have this elegant device?
George: What if you're in prison?
Jerry: You don't think they give clippers?
George: No, it's like a weapon.
Jerry: You know what's really a weapon, that big toenail. You let that grow for a month, take it in the shower, it's like a shiv.
George: I love prison.
Jerry: It is fascinating.
George: Yeah, maybe someday.