Seinfeld Quotes
- Characters
- Jerry
- George
- Elaine
- Kramer
- Recurring Characters
Seinfeld
The ultimate "show about nothing" follows comedian Jerry Seinfeld and his friends George, Elaine and Kramer.
Starring:
Jerry Seinfeld, Jason Alexander, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Michael Richards.
Recurring Actors:
Wayne Knight, Estelle Harris, Jerry Stiller, Liz Sheridan, Barney Martin, Len Lesser, Larry David, John O'Hurley, Phil Morris, Patrick Warburton, Heidi Swedberg.
Original Run: 1989-1998.
Quote of the Day
Quote from Newman in The Label Maker
Newman: Great streak of luck I'm having. First, Kramer almost beat me at Risk, but I narrowly escaped, and then Tim Whatley gives me his Super Bowl ticket.
Jerry: Can you move over at all?!
Newman: And then- Then, just as I'm about to go, these boxes show up at the post office with no labels. No labels, Jerry. You know what that means? Freebies! I got this great mini-TV and a VCR, oh it's unbelievable.
Jerry: An inch! Can you move over an inch?
Popular Quotes
Quote from Elaine in The Muffin Tops
Woman: I can't believe somebody pulled the top off of this muffin.
Elaine: That was me. I'm sorry. I don't like the stumps.
Mr. Lippman: So you just eat the tops?
Elaine: Oh, yeah. It's the best part. It's crunchy. It's explosive. It's where the muffin breaks free of the pan and sort of does its own thing. I'll tell you. That's a million dollar idea right there. Just sell the tops.
Quote from Kramer in The Package
Jerry: So we're going to make the post office pay for my new stereo?
Kramer: It's a write-off for them.
Jerry: How is it a write-off?
Kramer: They just write it off.
Jerry: Write it off what?
Kramer: Jerry, all these big companies, they write off everything.
Jerry: You don't even know what a write-off is.
Kramer: Do you?
Jerry: No. I don't.
Kramer: But they do. And they're the ones writing it off.
Quote from George in The Kiss Hello
George: I still don't see why I can't ask her about my arm.
Elaine: She's a physical therapist. She doesn't want to have to deal with that outside of the office.
George: Why not?
Elaine: Because it is what she does.
George: I love these people! You can't ask them questions. They're so mentally gifted that we mustn't disturb the delicate genius unless it's in the confines of an office! When huge sums of money are involved, then the delicate genius can be disturbed!
Elaine: George, you got a little something, right here.
George: [wiping face] These people think they're so important!
Quote Collections
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Art Vandelay is a fictitious person invented by George who often features in his lies.
21 quotes
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“Dr. Van Nostrand & H.E. Pennypacker”
Cosmo Kramer's multiple aliases: professor Peter Van Nostrand, actor Martin Van Nostrand, Doctor Van Nostrand, and industrialist H.E. Pennypacker.
11 quotes
Trending Quotes
Quote from Newman in The Old Man
Ron: Well, what do you got here? You know, you got "Don Ho: Live At Honolulu", you got "Jerry Vale Sings Italian Love Songs" you got Sergio Mendes, now come on...
Kramer: Wait, wait, wait. Sergio Mendes has a cult following.
Newman: They follow him like a cult.
Kramer: He can't even walk down the street in South America.
Ron: Look, that's his problem, all right? Now you don't like it, too bad.
Kramer: [in Newman's ear] I don't like it.
Newman: I don't like it.
Ron: Well, then get the hell out of my store, all right? You bring me something decent, I'll give you some money.
Kramer: [in Newman's ear] All right, we'll be back, jack.
Newman: All right, we'll be back, jack!
Quote from Kramer in The Bizarro Jerry
Kramer: What did you wanna see me about, Mr. Leland?
Leland: Kramer, I've been reviewing your work. Quite frankly, it stinks.
Kramer: Well, l.... I've been having trouble at home. And uh... I mean, you know, I'll work harder, nights, weekends, whatever it takes.
Leland: No. No. I don't think that's going to do it. These reports you handed in, it's almost as if you have no business training at all. I don't know what this is supposed to be.
Kramer: Well, I'm just trying to get ahead.
Leland: Well, I'm sorry. There's just no way that we could keep you on.
Kramer: But I don't even really work here.
Leland: That's what makes this so difficult.
Quote from Elaine in The Bizarro Jerry
Jerry: Hey, wait a second. Where you going? I hardly ever see you anymore.
Elaine: Well, l... I guess I've been at Reggies.
Jerry: The Bizarro coffee shop?
Elaine: Kevin and his friends are nice people. They do good things. They read.
Jerry: I read.
Elaine: Books, Jerry.
Jerry: Oh. Big deal.
Elaine: I can't spend the rest of my life coming into this stinking apartment every 10 minutes to pore over the excruciating minutiae of every single daily event.
Jerry: Why not? Like, yesterday, I went to the bank to make a deposit and the teller gives me this look...
Elaine: I'll see you later, man. I gotta go. [exits]
Jerry: The whole system is breaking down.