Seinfeld Quotes
- Characters
- Jerry
- George
- Elaine
- Kramer
- Recurring Characters
- Episodes
- Season 1
- Season 2
- Season 3
- Season 4
- Season 5
- Season 6
- Season 7
- Season 8
- 801 The Foundation
- 802 The Soul Mate
- 803 The Bizarro Jerry
- 804 The Little Kicks
- 805 The Package
- 806 The Fatigues
- 807 The Checks
- 808 The Chicken Roaster
- 809 The Abstinence
- 810 The Andrea Doria
- 811 The Little Jerry
- 812 The Money
- 813 The Comeback
- 814 The Van Buren Boys
- 815 The Susie
- 816 The Pothole
- 817 The English Patient
- 818 The Nap
- 819 The Yada Yada
- 820 The Millenium
- 821 The Muffin Tops
- 822 The Summer of George
- Season 9
Seinfeld
The ultimate "show about nothing" follows comedian Jerry Seinfeld and his friends George, Elaine and Kramer.
Starring:
Jerry Seinfeld, Jason Alexander, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Michael Richards.
Recurring Actors:
Wayne Knight, Estelle Harris, Jerry Stiller, Liz Sheridan, Barney Martin, Len Lesser, Larry David, John O'Hurley, Phil Morris, Patrick Warburton, Heidi Swedberg.
Original Run: 1989-1998.
Quote of the Day
Quote from Jerry in The Raincoats
[stand-up:]
Jerry: Personal distance is a very important thing. There's a new personal distance, ATM distance. When someone's using an ATM, you wanna be about six feet back, don't you? Because people get a little edgy around that ATM, don't they? They got their money out, their eyes are darting all around. The other place I wanna be about six feet away is a urinal. You want some distance there, too. ATMs and urinals. I guess whenever someone's taking valuables out of their pants, you want to give them as much room as possible.
Popular Quotes
Quote from Elaine in The Muffin Tops
Woman: I can't believe somebody pulled the top off of this muffin.
Elaine: That was me. I'm sorry. I don't like the stumps.
Mr. Lippman: So you just eat the tops?
Elaine: Oh, yeah. It's the best part. It's crunchy. It's explosive. It's where the muffin breaks free of the pan and sort of does its own thing. I'll tell you. That's a million dollar idea right there. Just sell the tops.
Quote from Kramer in The Package
Jerry: So we're going to make the post office pay for my new stereo?
Kramer: It's a write-off for them.
Jerry: How is it a write-off?
Kramer: They just write it off.
Jerry: Write it off what?
Kramer: Jerry, all these big companies, they write off everything.
Jerry: You don't even know what a write-off is.
Kramer: Do you?
Jerry: No. I don't.
Kramer: But they do. And they're the ones writing it off.
Quote from George in The Kiss Hello
George: I still don't see why I can't ask her about my arm.
Elaine: She's a physical therapist. She doesn't want to have to deal with that outside of the office.
George: Why not?
Elaine: Because it is what she does.
George: I love these people! You can't ask them questions. They're so mentally gifted that we mustn't disturb the delicate genius unless it's in the confines of an office! When huge sums of money are involved, then the delicate genius can be disturbed!
Elaine: George, you got a little something, right here.
George: [wiping face] These people think they're so important!
Quote Collections
-
Art Vandelay is a fictitious person invented by George who often features in his lies.
21 quotes
-
“Dr. Van Nostrand & H.E. Pennypacker”
Cosmo Kramer's multiple aliases: professor Peter Van Nostrand, actor Martin Van Nostrand, Doctor Van Nostrand, and industrialist H.E. Pennypacker.
11 quotes
Trending Quotes
Quote from Newman in The Old Man
Ron: Well, what do you got here? You know, you got "Don Ho: Live At Honolulu", you got "Jerry Vale Sings Italian Love Songs" you got Sergio Mendes, now come on...
Kramer: Wait, wait, wait. Sergio Mendes has a cult following.
Newman: They follow him like a cult.
Kramer: He can't even walk down the street in South America.
Ron: Look, that's his problem, all right? Now you don't like it, too bad.
Kramer: [in Newman's ear] I don't like it.
Newman: I don't like it.
Ron: Well, then get the hell out of my store, all right? You bring me something decent, I'll give you some money.
Kramer: [in Newman's ear] All right, we'll be back, jack.
Newman: All right, we'll be back, jack!
Quote from Kramer in The Summer of George
Raquel Welch: "You are a fraud Dr Tarnover. You haven't even been to Scarsdale."
Kramer: [knocks and enters] Ms. Welch.
Raquel Welch: Who are you?
Kramer: Well, I'm Cosmo Kramer. I'm one of the producers.
Raquel Welch: [answers phone] Hello, Sidney! No. No, I told you I don't want to do that! If you bring it up again I will feed your genitals to a wolf! [hangs up] Kids! You're still here.
Kramer: Well, I- Uh, Ms. Welch I do need to talk to you about a little problem regarding your performance.
[Raquel kicks a chair out of her way and walks up to Kramer]
Raquel Welch: What kind of problem?
Kramer: Well, it seems that due to the vagaries of the production parameters, vis-a-vis the fragmenting of the audience due to cable television, carnivals, water parks...
Raquel Welch: Out with it!
Kramer: Well, you're fired because you don't move your arms when you tap dance. You're like a gorilla out there. I've gotta go...
[As Kramer attempts to run out of the dressing room, Raquel Welch drags him back in]
Quote from Elaine in The Doodle
Elaine: It's a story about love, deception, greed, lust, and unbridled enthusiasm.
Mandel: Unbridled enthusiasm?
Elaine: Yeah, yeah. That's right. That's what led to [clears throat] Billy Mumphrey's downfall.
Mandel: Interesting take. So you believe that had he not been so enthusiastic, he could have averted disaster.
Elaine: Yes. Yes, that's right. You see... You see, Billy Mumphrey was a simple country boy, some might say a cockeyed optimist, who got caught up in the dirty game of world diplomacy and international intrigue.
Mandel: So it was more a question of attitude than politics.
Elaine: Yes. Yes, Mr. Mandel.