Woman: I can't believe somebody pulled the top off of this muffin.
Elaine: That was me. I'm sorry. I don't like the stumps.
Mr. Lippman: So you just eat the tops?
Elaine: Oh, yeah. It's the best part. It's crunchy. It's explosive. It's where the muffin breaks free of the pan and sort of does its own thing. I'll tell you. That's a million dollar idea right there. Just sell the tops.

Jerry: So we're going to make the post office pay for my new stereo?
Kramer: It's a write-off for them.
Jerry: How is it a write-off?
Kramer: They just write it off.
Jerry: Write it off what?
Kramer: Jerry, all these big companies, they write off everything.
Jerry: You don't even know what a write-off is.
Kramer: Do you?
Jerry: No. I don't.
Kramer: But they do. And they're the ones writing it off.

George: I still don't see why I can't ask her about my arm.
Elaine: She's a physical therapist. She doesn't want to have to deal with that outside of the office.
George: Why not?
Elaine: Because it is what she does.
George: I love these people! You can't ask them questions. They're so mentally gifted that we mustn't disturb the delicate genius unless it's in the confines of an office! When huge sums of money are involved, then the delicate genius can be disturbed!
Elaine: George, you got a little something, right here.
George: [wiping face] These people think they're so important!

Mrs. Payton: I was just speaking to the doorman here, about the couch robbery.
Elaine: Oh really? The doorman. And, pray tell, what did the doorman say?
Mrs. Payton: He said he asked a friend of yours to watch the door.
Elaine: Oh, my. Well, the doorman certainly has a wild imagination, doesn't he?
Doorman: Well, what do we have here? Perhaps Miss Benes could explain why a Jerry Seinfeld signed for this package at the exact same time the couch was stolen.
Elaine: [frantic] He never watched a door before, Mrs Payton, he didn't know how to do it. You know, he's a comedian, Mrs Payton, they don't know how to do anything. Don't you see what's going on here? He set us up. He's playing all these mind games.

Kramer: If anything, we'll probably get there early. I'll have a chance to go to the Duty Free shop.
George: The Duty Free Shop? Duty free is the biggest sucker deal in retail. Do you know how much duty is?
Kramer: Duty.
George: Yeah, "duty". Do you know how much duty is?
Kramer: No, I dunno how much duty is.
George: Duty is nothing. It's like sales tax...
Kramer: Well, I'd still like to stop at the Duty Free Shop.

Elaine: What time you got?
Kramer: Oh, no. I don't wear a watch.
Elaine: What do you do?
Kramer: Well, I tell time by the sun.
Elaine: How close do you get?
Kramer: Well, I can guess within an hour.
Elaine: [scoffs] Well, I can guess within the hour, and I don't even have to look at the sun.
Kramer: Yeah.
Elaine: Well, what about at night? What do you do then?
Kramer: Well, night's tougher but it's only a couple of hours.