Seinfeld Quotes

Seinfeld

Seinfeld

The ultimate "show about nothing" follows comedian Jerry Seinfeld and his friends George, Elaine and Kramer.

Starring: Jerry Seinfeld, Jason Alexander, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Michael Richards.
Recurring Actors: Wayne Knight, Estelle Harris, Jerry Stiller, Liz Sheridan, Barney Martin, Len Lesser, Larry David, John O'Hurley, Phil Morris, Patrick Warburton, Heidi Swedberg.
Original Run: 1989-1998.

Quote of the Day

Quote from Kramer in The Package

Attendant: May I help you?
Kramer: Yes, yes. I am Dr. Van Nostrand from the clinic. I'm gonna need Elaine Benes chart. She's a patient of mine and... I don't think she's not going to make it. It's, uh, very bad. It's very messy.
Attendant: I see and what clinic is that again?
Kramer: That's correct.
Attendant: Excuse me.
Kramer: From the Hoffermandorf Neo Clinic in Belgium.
Attendant: Really?
Kramer: The Netherlands?

Rate

Popular Quotes

Quote from Elaine in The Muffin Tops

Woman: I can't believe somebody pulled the top off of this muffin.
Elaine: That was me. I'm sorry. I don't like the stumps.
Mr. Lippman: So you just eat the tops?
Elaine: Oh, yeah. It's the best part. It's crunchy. It's explosive. It's where the muffin breaks free of the pan and sort of does its own thing. I'll tell you. That's a million dollar idea right there. Just sell the tops.

Quote from Kramer in The Package

Jerry: So we're going to make the post office pay for my new stereo?
Kramer: It's a write-off for them.
Jerry: How is it a write-off?
Kramer: They just write it off.
Jerry: Write it off what?
Kramer: Jerry, all these big companies, they write off everything.
Jerry: You don't even know what a write-off is.
Kramer: Do you?
Jerry: No. I don't.
Kramer: But they do. And they're the ones writing it off.

Quote from George in The Kiss Hello

George: I still don't see why I can't ask her about my arm.
Elaine: She's a physical therapist. She doesn't want to have to deal with that outside of the office.
George: Why not?
Elaine: Because it is what she does.
George: I love these people! You can't ask them questions. They're so mentally gifted that we mustn't disturb the delicate genius unless it's in the confines of an office! When huge sums of money are involved, then the delicate genius can be disturbed!
Elaine: George, you got a little something, right here.
George: [wiping face] These people think they're so important!

Quote Collections

Trending Quotes

Quote from Jerry in The Wizard

Jerry: Kramer, I can't get that many Wizards.
Kramer: What about your deal?
Jerry: I didn't have a deal. They're $200 a pop. What do I do?
Kramer: Well, don't worry. I know a guy.
Jerry: Down here?
Kramer: Yeah. Bob Saccamano's father.

Quote from Kramer in The Face Painter

Mr. Pless: Well, Mr. Kramer, to get right to it, we're having a bit of a problem with Barry.
Kramer: Barry?
Mr. Pless: The chimpanzee.
Kramer: Oh. Well, uh, what's the problem?
Mr. Pless: Well, he's not functioning the way he normally does. He seems depressed. He's lost his appetite. He's even curtailed his autoerotic activities. And we think this is directly related to the altercation he had with you the other day.
Kramer: So, so what do you want me to do?
Mr. Pless: Well, frankly we'd like you to apologize.
Kramer: Yeah, well he started it.
Mr. Pless: Mr. Kramer, he is an innocent primate.
Kramer: So am I! I mean, what about my feelings? Don't my feelings count for anything? Oh, only the poor monkey's important. Everything has to be done for the monkey!

Quote from Kramer in The Deal

Elaine: Oh, what is this? You got me something?
Kramer: Yeah. Open it.
Elaine: Oh, Kramer. The bench! You got me the bench that I wanted!
Kramer: That's pretty good, huh?
Jerry: Great.
Kramer: Remember when we were standing there and she mentioned it? I made a mental note of it.
Jerry: Well, goody for you.
Kramer: Oh, yeah. I'm very sensitive about that. I mean, when someone's birthday comes up, I keep my ears open.
Kramer: So what'd you get her?
Jerry: 182 bucks.
Kramer: Cash? You gotta be kidding. What kind of gift is that? That's like something her uncle would get her.
Elaine: "Think where man's glory most begins and ends and say my glory was I had such a friend."
Kramer: Yeats.
Elaine: Oh, Kramer. [hugs Kramer]