Seinfeld Quotes
- Characters
- Jerry
- George
- Elaine
- Kramer
- Recurring Characters
Seinfeld
The ultimate "show about nothing" follows comedian Jerry Seinfeld and his friends George, Elaine and Kramer.
Starring:
Jerry Seinfeld, Jason Alexander, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Michael Richards.
Recurring Actors:
Wayne Knight, Estelle Harris, Jerry Stiller, Liz Sheridan, Barney Martin, Len Lesser, Larry David, John O'Hurley, Phil Morris, Patrick Warburton, Heidi Swedberg.
Original Run: 1989-1998.
Quote of the Day
Quote from Susan Ross in The Invitations
Susan Ross: Hi. Hey I've been going over the list. What about The Drake? Wanna invite him?
George: Oh, got to invite The Drake. Listen, there's something that's been on my mind and we haven't really talked about it and it's kind of important to me.
Susan Ross: What is it?
George: Well, I put a lot of thought into this and I think I would like you to sign a prenuptial agreement.
Susan Ross: A prenup?
George: Yeah.
Susan Ross: [bursts out laughing]
George: What's so funny?
Susan Ross: You don't have any money. I make more money than you do. [laughs] Yeah! Give me the papers, I'll sign them. [laughing] A prenup!
Popular Quotes
Quote from Elaine in The Muffin Tops
Woman: I can't believe somebody pulled the top off of this muffin.
Elaine: That was me. I'm sorry. I don't like the stumps.
Mr. Lippman: So you just eat the tops?
Elaine: Oh, yeah. It's the best part. It's crunchy. It's explosive. It's where the muffin breaks free of the pan and sort of does its own thing. I'll tell you. That's a million dollar idea right there. Just sell the tops.
Quote from Kramer in The Package
Jerry: So we're going to make the post office pay for my new stereo?
Kramer: It's a write-off for them.
Jerry: How is it a write-off?
Kramer: They just write it off.
Jerry: Write it off what?
Kramer: Jerry, all these big companies, they write off everything.
Jerry: You don't even know what a write-off is.
Kramer: Do you?
Jerry: No. I don't.
Kramer: But they do. And they're the ones writing it off.
Quote from George in The Kiss Hello
George: I still don't see why I can't ask her about my arm.
Elaine: She's a physical therapist. She doesn't want to have to deal with that outside of the office.
George: Why not?
Elaine: Because it is what she does.
George: I love these people! You can't ask them questions. They're so mentally gifted that we mustn't disturb the delicate genius unless it's in the confines of an office! When huge sums of money are involved, then the delicate genius can be disturbed!
Elaine: George, you got a little something, right here.
George: [wiping face] These people think they're so important!
Quote Collections
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Art Vandelay is a fictitious person invented by George who often features in his lies.
21 quotes
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“Dr. Van Nostrand & H.E. Pennypacker”
Cosmo Kramer's multiple aliases: professor Peter Van Nostrand, actor Martin Van Nostrand, Doctor Van Nostrand, and industrialist H.E. Pennypacker.
11 quotes
Trending Quotes
Quote from Newman in The Old Man
Ron: Well, what do you got here? You know, you got "Don Ho: Live At Honolulu", you got "Jerry Vale Sings Italian Love Songs" you got Sergio Mendes, now come on...
Kramer: Wait, wait, wait. Sergio Mendes has a cult following.
Newman: They follow him like a cult.
Kramer: He can't even walk down the street in South America.
Ron: Look, that's his problem, all right? Now you don't like it, too bad.
Kramer: [in Newman's ear] I don't like it.
Newman: I don't like it.
Ron: Well, then get the hell out of my store, all right? You bring me something decent, I'll give you some money.
Kramer: [in Newman's ear] All right, we'll be back, jack.
Newman: All right, we'll be back, jack!
Quote from Jerry in The Postponement
George: Well, I told it to Susan before, and she didn't like it.
Jerry: Hmm.
George: Yeah. Not only that, this is what she said to me, "Can we change the subject?"
Jerry: See, now, that I don't care for.
George: Right. I mean, we're on a subject. Why does it have to be changed?
Jerry: It should resolve of its own volition.
George: That's exactly what I said, except I used the word "momentum".
Jerry: "Momentum", same thing.
Quote from Elaine in The Face Painter
[As several women weep at the funeral]
Elaine: You know I really hate my clothes.
Jerry: Hmm.
Elaine: I open up my closet, there's just nothing.
Jerry: Hmm.
Elaine: Nothing. I hate everything I have, I really hate it. [the weeping intensifies] I mean, at this point, it's like I can wear something three or four times and that's it.
Jerry: Hmm.
Elaine: It's getting to be a terrible problem for me.