Seinfeld Quotes
- Characters
- Jerry
- George
- Elaine
- Kramer
- Recurring Characters
Seinfeld

The ultimate "show about nothing" follows comedian Jerry Seinfeld and his friends George, Elaine and Kramer.
Starring:
Jerry Seinfeld, Jason Alexander, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Michael Richards.
Recurring Actors:
Wayne Knight, Estelle Harris, Jerry Stiller, Liz Sheridan, Barney Martin, Len Lesser, Larry David, John O'Hurley, Phil Morris, Patrick Warburton, Heidi Swedberg.
Original Run: 1989-1998.
Quote of the Day
Quote from J. Peterman in The Merv Griffin Show
J. Peterman: That noise. That's the noise.
Elaine: What?
J. Peterman: That infernal rattling sound that has plagued me these past two days, and I could not find the source. In my office, in the hallway. Even in the men's room. Shame on you, Elaine!
Elaine: No, no, Mr. Peterman that wasn't me!
J. Peterman: That reminds me of the Haitian Voodoo rattle torture! You haven't gone over to their side have you?
Elaine: No, Mr. Peterman.
J. Peterman: Because, if I hear one more rattle - just one - you're out on your can. And if you are undead, I'll find out about that too.
Popular Quotes
Quote from Elaine in The Muffin Tops
Woman: I can't believe somebody pulled the top off of this muffin.
Elaine: That was me. I'm sorry. I don't like the stumps.
Mr. Lippman: So you just eat the tops?
Elaine: Oh, yeah. It's the best part. It's crunchy. It's explosive. It's where the muffin breaks free of the pan and sort of does its own thing. I'll tell you. That's a million dollar idea right there. Just sell the tops.
Quote from Kramer in The Package
Jerry: So we're going to make the post office pay for my new stereo?
Kramer: It's a write-off for them.
Jerry: How is it a write-off?
Kramer: They just write it off.
Jerry: Write it off what?
Kramer: Jerry, all these big companies, they write off everything.
Jerry: You don't even know what a write-off is.
Kramer: Do you?
Jerry: No. I don't.
Kramer: But they do. And they're the ones writing it off.
Quote from George in The Kiss Hello
George: I still don't see why I can't ask her about my arm.
Elaine: She's a physical therapist. She doesn't want to have to deal with that outside of the office.
George: Why not?
Elaine: Because it is what she does.
George: I love these people! You can't ask them questions. They're so mentally gifted that we mustn't disturb the delicate genius unless it's in the confines of an office! When huge sums of money are involved, then the delicate genius can be disturbed!
Elaine: George, you got a little something, right here.
George: [wiping face] These people think they're so important!
Quote Collections
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Art Vandelay is a fictitious person invented by George who often features in his lies.
21 quotes
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“Dr. Van Nostrand & H.E. Pennypacker”
Cosmo Kramer's multiple aliases: professor Peter Van Nostrand, actor Martin Van Nostrand, Doctor Van Nostrand, and industrialist H.E. Pennypacker.
11 quotes
Trending Quotes
Quote from Kramer in The Airport
Kramer: If anything, we'll probably get there early. I'll have a chance to go to the Duty Free shop.
George: The Duty Free Shop? Duty free is the biggest sucker deal in retail. Do you know how much duty is?
Kramer: Duty.
George: Yeah, "duty". Do you know how much duty is?
Kramer: No, I dunno how much duty is.
George: Duty is nothing. It's like sales tax...
Kramer: Well, I'd still like to stop at the Duty Free Shop.