TV Quotes

Dr. Cox: Okay, so young Cole may not be an ideal protégé. He may not even be an ideal human. Nevertheless, you don't get to pick who needs you as a mentor. Do you realize, for the last eight years I've been saddled with a whiny, clingy lady-man whose very life force was dependent on hugs? Now, of course, I have young Drew, and although he may be filled with a bubbling rage that I fear cannot be contained very much longer, at least he doesn't need me to hold his hand when he speaks of love and his true feelings. The point is, we don't always get to choose who deserves and who wants our help. That's it.
Turk: Why you gotta always ruin pastry time? Perfectly good pastry.

Turk: I want you to imagine these bears were in a horrible accident. Like a bus crash. And before you ask, no, I don't know why the bears were on a bus. Maybe they're super smart government bears on their way to fight terrorism. Anyway, all you need to do is sew one of these bad boys up before me, and I'll know you have the skills to be a surgeon. Are we clear?
Cole: As a vodka tonic.

J.D.: [v.o.] It's hard trying to figure out how to reach somebody. I guess the thing I can do is to think of someone I look up to, and remember how they got through to me.
Dr. Cox: Newbie, the only way you could be less productive right now is if you were in fact the wall on which you're leaning. Of course, then you'd be providing some jackass with a wall on which to lean against and reflect on what a jackass he truly is. I know. Here it's a conundrum.

J.D.: What the hell are we supposed to do?
Dr. Cox: Loretta, relax. I've been involved in every ridiculous TV-induced panic there is. Poison pills, SARS, West Nile, North Face, South Fork, East River, monkey pox, Pop Rocks, toilet snakes, mad cow, bird flu, swine flu, and, quite frankly, every other flu that you could really only catch if you actually fornicate with the animal it's named for. And as a parting gift, I will tell you this. Narrow it down to two symptoms: vomiting and diarrhea, because it's just not E. coli unless it's firing out both exits.
J.D.: Sure hope I don't have dog flu.