Dr. Kelso: Oops. That's not my drink. It's good, though. Methinks it's quitting time. Good night, gooch. Ted. [shakes hand] Ted?
Ted: That's it? I've been your whipping boy for eight years, and all I get before I disappear forever is a wet, clammy handshake? And, yes, I know that's from my hand, not yours. And, yes, I know that we've never really been friends. And, yes, I know that the Gooch is way too attractive for me. That's not relevant right now. It's just always on my mind. Please don't leave me for a baritone.
Stephanie: I won't.
Dr. Kelso: Ted, I'm so hammered that the only thing I can think about are those 30-cent hot dogs at the gas station, so wrap it up.
Ted: You owe me more than a handshake. Let's go, honey.

J.D.: I can't believe it's been 12 years since we started medical school.
Turk: We're getting old, Kemo Sabe.
Dr. Cox: Well, thank you, Lord. Now you do realize You could've saved yourself a lot of embarrassment and a lot of time and about seven stitches if you'd just admitted to that a little earlier. Of course, it wouldn't have been as much fun for me, and I damn sure wouldn't have gotten this terrific screensaver.
Turk: He's gonna want a copy of that.
J.D.: No, I won't.
J.D.: [v.o.] Hello, Christmas cards!
Dr. Cox: There's nothing wrong with getting older. So do yourself a favor: get a prostate exam, stop wearing ironic t-shirts and just let it happen.

Stephanie: Ted, you're not gonna just walk out without saying good-bye to anyone, are you?
Ted: Aw, nobody cares. [crowd applauds]
J.D.: We're gonna miss you.
Dr. Cox: All the best, Ted.
Dr. Kelso: Is this more like what you were looking for?
Ted: Thank you, sir. Oh, uh, forgot my keys. I'll be right back! Oh, got 'em! [crowd has dispersed] Aw. This is more appropriate.
Dr. Kelso: I'm gonna miss you. Bye, Ted.
Ted: Good-bye, Bob. Well, honey, uh, play me out. [The Gooch plays "The Final Countdown"]