Janitor: Ted, do you want to get this girl? Give her a present. Better yet, a present that you made. My first date with Lady, I made her a duck I killed. Now, you're thinking wouldn't it have been more romantic to kill it in front of her? And yes, it would have. And it was my plan. But in the car, on the way over, we kind of get into it, you know. Maybe I was in a bad mood, maybe he was, I don't know. But one thing led to another, and then we're off on the side of the road, shirtless and seeing what's what. Next thing I knew...
Ted: I'm really not comfortable murdering for her.

J.D.: I wish I could help that bald, sweaty bastard.
Janitor: Maybe you and I could team up.
J.D.: I bet you think I'm going to say no. But let me tell you something about the Dorians. We trust. And we trust hard. It's the reason why every single Dorian has a loyal army of friends. It's also why last weekend I flew to the Ozarks for a spontaneous water ski getaway with Dr. Cox. He was not there. Nor was his lakeside cabin. There had also been talk of a tire swing.

Janitor: Look, Ted, you're obviously upset about the ukulele girl. So, we've called a truce to help you out.
Ted: I'm not upset.
J.D.: Ted, we found you in a park, throwing rocks at old couples.
Ted: Why should they be happy?!