Carla: So, how you holding up?
Janitor: Cleaning's an art. My mop was my paintbrush.
J.D.: [v.o.] Oh no, it's the first time I've seen the janitor since he was fired. I have to seem like I care. Think of the saddest thing you can. Turk's dead, Turk's dead, Turk's dead, Turk's de- Oh, my God! What if something really happened to him? I'd be lost! Stop thinking like that. Turk's fine! Turk's fine, Turk's fine, Turk's fine, Turk's fine!
Carla: J.D.! The janitor got fired.
Janitor: No, it's okay. He knows, he just doesn't care. See, in his mind, I'm the bad guy in our relationship, even though if he stopped to think about it for a minute, he would realize I never did a thing to him that he didn't deserve.
J.D.: You locked me in a water tower.
Janitor: You wrote on the wall.
J.D.: You destroyed my scooter, Sasha.
Janitor: You know I hate Wednesdays.
J.D.: You haunted my pediatric patients.
Janitor: You didn't wear the shorts that my imaginary wife made for you.

Dr. Cox: I am getting rid of Maddox. Who's in?
Janitor: I'm in. Ever since she fired me, I've been moping around my apartment, making barking sounds. I-I'm not crazy, I just need some human interaction and the barking makes the neighbors yell, "Shut the damn thing up!" Then I can go over there with a bottle of scotch and apologize for Rusty, my imaginary Akita. The only downside is that by the time Lady, my girlfriend, gets home, I'm too drunk to talk to her. Much less make love. You've never pictured me as an organism that has sex, have you?
Dr. Cox: We have not.
Dr. Kelso: No.
Janitor: I understand.

Dr. Cox: Ah, yeah. This Maddox is a damn sketchy. I guarantee you will find something in these files.
Janitor: Hurry up, man, I don't wanna get busted!
Dr. Cox: Now listen there, Great Ape, I only invited you to help me because it had never dawned on me that you'd get all panicky over a little breaking-and-entering.
Janitor: Actually, I'm not. See, this stuff has become so mundane to me that I've created a character who's terrified about going back to prison. And through him, I hope to feel once again, the old rush.
Dr. Cox: You carry on.
Janitor: Good. 'cause I can't go back there, man! Not after what they did to Johnny. Oh, Johnny, he was the best. I wish you'd known him. Those guards worked him over good. They shanked him with a shiv. And they shivved him with a shank. All for a pack of smokes. Johnny, you were too beautiful for this world, man. Hope you're king in the next! Johnny! Johnny.