Turk: That is a weird dream.
J.D.: Yeah, I don't even like water parks. I mean, I did, until someone thought it'd be funny to go down the slide two secs after me.
Turk: Dude, the lifeguard told me to go.
J.D.: Really? Did he also tell you to take your trunks off, Turk? Because the last thing a guy wants to see when he's in a splash pool, is his best friend's junk headed towards me at 40 mph. Felt like I got pistol-whipped.

Janitor: You're such a man of the people. Do you even know anybody's real name?
J.D.: Of course I do.
[The Janitor steps to the side to reveal Colonel Doctor, Dr. Beardfacé and Snoop Dogg Attending standing behind him]
J.D.: Why do people keep hiding behind you?
Janitor: Challenge. What's the real name?
J.D.: Well, she never told me her real name, but I like Lavernagain. And, Snoop I- I had hoped you'd legally changed your name. Never got around to that? Okay. Ah. Colonel, I have to pass on you.
J.D.: [v.o.] Okay. You can get this one. I know it's just like Beardface but not Beardface. What is it? Oh, right!
J.D.: Beardmouth.
All: It's Beardfacé, damn it!
Janitor: Man of the people indeed.

J.D.: You just can't seem to get along with anybody, can't you? Life is so much easier if you just connect with people. Watch and learn. Colonel Doctor, loving those new frames. Ah, Snoop Dogg Attending, where my hoes at? [to Dr. Beardfacé] Oh, hey. What are you doing to that thing? It's fluffy. I wanna like rub my fingers in! [to the Janitor] You see? I connect with them. Unlike you, I'm a man of the people.