Janitor: Sorry, these spaces are now for carpool only.
Dr. Kelso: What if someone who's not a carpool parks here?
Janitor: Obviously, as environmental officer, I don't have any real power, but I can give you this citation, just as a symbolic gesture. You'll notice on the back, I made a list of possible consequences for violating the hospital's new green policy. If you leave a light on, I make you lick a battery or eat a light bulb, your choice.
Dr. Kelso: Of course.
Janitor: And as for parking in a carpool only lane, well, I can't really damage your car, but I might just throw wasp hive in there.
Turk: Hey, guys. [gets in car; buzzing sounds]
Janitor: Maybe mess with the locks so you can't get it.
Turk: [screams]

J.D.: Anyway, you want to know what the cherry on top on the crap Sundae that is my life? Tomorrow, my loser brother's coming here. Not happy.
Turk: Dude, you need some perspective. This guy came in for a simple spinal fusion. He got septic and there was nothing we could do. Do you still want to complain because you're brother's coming in today?
J.D.: Uh. Tomorrow. Dan's coming tomorrow.
[The horrifically mutilated patient sits up, revealing it's Dan. He starts stretching behind J.D.'s back]
Turk: No, actually, he's coming in today. He gave me a call, asked me if I'd help him with some embarrassing prank he wanted to pull on you.
J.D.: Thanks for the warning, Turk. You're a good friend.
Turk: I am!
[J.D. notices a crowd of people watching behind the window]
J.D.: Why are they all here?
Dan: Zombie!
J.D.: [screams]

Ted: Hey, if you're gonna drive that gas guzzler, the least you can do is car pool.
Janitor: Hey, I don't see you bringing anybody to work.
Ted: Hey, I just dropped my mom off at the mall. She sits on the seat and then holds on by tucking her hands inside my bike shorts.
Janitor: That's disgusting.
Ted: Yeah. Doesn't feel right.