J.D. Quote #1494
Quote from J.D. in My Own Worst Enemy
J.D.: Sorry, you gonna answer me or not?
Turk: Come on, man. You know why you almost screwed things up with Kim, don't make me say it.
J.D.: Fine. The harsh truth rule is in effect. I'll lay a harsh truth on you, so when you lay one on me, you won't feel guilty.
Turk: J.D., we don't even-
J.D.: When you sweat a lot, you smell like eggs.
Turk: That's not even true! Did Carla tell you to say that?
J.D.: No, why, did she think that too?
Turk: No.
Scrubs Quotes
‘My Own Worst Enemy’ Quotes
Quote from J.D.
Dr. Cox: That's it! Ladies and gentleman. Welcome to the first annual Sacred Heart "Who-Caresies" Awards, designed to honor those people who believe that others actually give a rat's ass about the minutia of their lives.
J.D.: [v.o.] The weird thing was I think we all really wanted to win.
[fantasy:]
Dr. Cox: And the nominees are Barbie Reid for "What Am I Going To Do About My Ex-Fiancee?". [applause] Dame Judy Dorian for "I'm Done Self-Sabotaging". [applause] Gandhi for "I've Got Candy In My Teeth". [applause] The Todd for: "Look At My New Shirt". [awards-style split screen] And the winner is Dame Judy Dorian! This is Dame Judy Dorian's first nomination and first win.
[reality:]
J.D.: [v.o.] Suck on that, Tony Shalhoub!
Quote from Turk
Elliot: Hey, I'm sorry for barging in so late, I hope I didn't interrupt anything important-
Turk: Actually, since I'm diabetic, Carla only lets me eat one candy bar every six months, so she was helping me choose which one to go with. First, we cut out all candy that sounds remotely racist, which includes all dark chocolate and I know this sounds weird, but Jujubes. Then Carla was like, "What about Junior Mints?", and I was like, "Junior Mints? Baby, if I want my candy to freshen my breath, I'd just lap some toothpaste on a whatchamacallit bar and go to town on that bad boy!" You know what I'm saying? She knows I'm changing the subject 'cause she's sad. Come here, come here, Elliot. [they hug]
Elliot: No.
Turk: Okay. [walks away]
Carla: What did he ask you?
Elliot: Oh, he just wanted to know if there's anything I needed.
Carla: Elliot?
Elliot: He asked me if they still make Mars bars.
Quote from J.D.
Carla: So, how did it go with Keith?
Elliot: I haven't told him yet. His whole family's in town for the wedding, and so my house is filled to the freaking rafters with the Dudemeisters.
J.D.: You know how my college girlfriend, Stacy, broke up with me? She arranged it so that when I came home from class, I was able to see her riding in pleasure beneath a big, brown butt.
Turk: How many times do I have to apologize for that?
J.D.: [holding bread rolls] I still have nightmares about your cheeks, Turk, just bouncing, and bouncing. I can't sleep.