Dr. Kelso: A SPECT camera, eh? My hospital, Sacred Heart, needs one of those.
Salesman: It's funny you should say that. I was just on the phone with your chief of medicine ten minutes ago.
[meanwhile:]
Janitor: Hmm, fax this to someone. [answers phone] Chief o' medicine.
Dr. Kelso: I'm the Chief of Medicine, Bob Kelso. Who the hell is this?
Janitor: Uh, I'm you. I'm talking to you from a future phone. By the way, sell all your gasoline stocks, everything now runs on potatoes!
Dr. Kelso: I don't know who the hell this is, but when I find out I am going to put my loafer so far up your ass you're gonna have tassles hanging out of your nose. Now, tell me who you are.
Janitor: What's your name again?
Ted: Teddy Buckland.
Dr. Kelso: Ted?!

Turk: [sings] On our way to Phoenix, yeah!
[As the car drives away, the camera is static:]
J.D.: Hey, you know how in the movies when a car gets farther and farther away, you can still hear people talking like they're right in front of the camera?
Turk: Yeah, that drives me crazy.
J.D.: Hey, I brought snacks for the trip. Pringle? Oh, um, turn left here to go on the freeway.
Turk: No, not yet. I gotta stop and go pee.
J.D.: Already? I told you to go before we left.

Janitor: Uh, hey, everyone! I've been looking for a new role playing game, ever since my Lord of the Rings club booted me for using an actual war hammer. So, would anybody mind, if I pretended to be the Chief of Medicine while Kelso is out of town? [murmurs of agreement]
Dr. Cox: Oh, Janitor you're a natural!
[The Janitor is suddenly wearing a lab coat and stethoscope]
Janitor: Fantastic! Let's make cancer feel foolish.