Dr. Kelso: You know what, if the nurses keep going on like this, I'm going to get them their raise, but I'm going to pay for it by firing three of them, the ugly ones. How does that sound?
Ted: [v.o.] Whatever you think is right, sir.
Ted: You're an ass.
Ted: [v.o.] Ted, you idiot. You just said the out-loud thing in your head and the in-your-head thing out loud! Don't make eye-contact, just keep moving!

Todd: J.D., Turk shouldn't mess with Dr. Green. Now, even though you're only his second best friend, for some reason he listens to you.
J.D.: If Turk's mind is set on something, it can't be changed. I can't even imagine how I'd try!
[J.D. looks off into the distance]
Todd: [v.o.] Oh, great. There he goes off into his fantasy world. Now, I'm stuck here waiting until he snaps out of it with some weird comment.
J.D.: We'd have to find a whole lot of gnomes!
Todd: That's helpful.

Ted: Sir, they aren't asking for much and the little things can make a big difference. I know I'd be a lot happier with some extra cash, or friends, or hair.
Dr. Kelso: How would your life be any different, if you had hair?
[fantasy: Ted, wearing a bright '70s-style suit, has a full head of hair as two women hang on to him while they walk down the shampoo aisle at a rug store:]
Ted: [kissing] Don't worry baby, you'll get your turn.
Woman: Which conditioner are you going to buy?
Ted: Too many choices!
[In frustration, Ted pushes over the conditioner shelves before noticing an elderly woman in the next aisle]
Ted: Mom? No! Why do I have hair? Why? Why do I have hair? Why?
[reality:]
Ted: I wonder if they'd still do me after I buried mom?