Dr. Cox: A tip jar. Really? So what am I supposed to do, just duke you my change because you poured hot water through beans? Well, I'll tell you what, my friend, unless you're also planning on giving me a complimentary reach-around with my beverage, I'm afraid the answer is yeah... no! Here's a- Here's a novel idea: Why don't you go fetch me a very large cup of coffee with so damn many fake sugars in it that the coffee itself gets cancer.

Dr. Kelso: You don't scare me. Eventually, you will all come crawling back. Now, how about somebody gets me a banana-nut muffin, and hold the spit, please.
Janitor: As manager, I reserve the right to refuse service to anyone.
Dr. Kelso: Manager? You have worked here one day.
Janitor: Corporate loved my ingenuity. I was saying the two most addictive substances on earth are caffeine and nicotine! Behold. [hums] Smokachino for Kyle. Kyle! Smokachino for Kyle! Enjoy that. That's as tall as he's gonna get.

Carla: Ugh, my breasts are so sore. I wish I could just give you formula.
Todd: [o.s.] Formula's bad for the baby. Boob milk's healthier!