Kim: This sucks. I mean, the hardest decision I've had to make in the last year was what hairstyle to get. And even then, all I did was open up an US Magazine, close my eyes and pick a random celebrity.
J.D.: Kirsten Dunst?
Kim: Owen Wilson.
J.D.: Oh.

Turk: [answers phone] Hey, baby, look, I- Yeah, he, he's right here. [to J.D.] She won't talk to me.
J.D.: Hi. Yes, I know he missed your wedding, too. All right, hold on. [slaps Turk] That was from her, not me.
Turk: Go.
Janitor: Relax, I'll have him out in one second. [holding saw] All right, hold still. Nobody likes a jagged stump.
Turk: No!
Janitor: [on the phone] He's being unreasonable. Okay. [slaps Turk twice] That was from me.

J.D.: What's going on?
Turk: They're about to start.
Dr. Kelso: Turkleton! If you are trying to get the same five million dollar settlement that damn hook-handed security guard got, you're outta luck, stud. Because I put a little release button right here on top.
[Turk screams as he looks at his frozen, blue hand]
Dr. Kelso: Well, what are you waiting for, son? Get in there.
[later:]
Carla: How you doin', beautiful? Turk, you're here! I'm so hot.
Turk: Oh, don't sweat it. I got ya. [puts frozen, blue hand on Carla's forehead]