Jordan: Tell your Daddy what you just did.
Jack: I made a poopy in the potty.
Dr. Cox: You know, son, as a doctor, I spend a lot of my day dealing with other people's poop. And I'm not going to lie to you, Jackie, it gets old. Now that's, that's not to say I haven't enjoyed the last three years of waking up to a fresh brown trout in your Huggies. Besides, you're gonna do the same thing for me some day real soon. And yet, aside from actually seeing you being born and that time Wayne Gretzky said, "What's up" to me in line at the bank, you being out of diapers is the best damn thing that's ever happened to me. It truly is. Now why don't you go into your room and play for a little while because your mom and I, we're going to celebrate up here grown-up style.

J.D.: We are not going to the mall, Elliot. I was going to make you dinner and then go to karaoke, but I'm not sure how to do both in the same night. Unless, of course...
Elliot: J.D., not Floating Head Doctor.
J.D.: Too late. I'm already there.
[fantasy: J.D.'s body cracks an egg, missing the bowl, and puts a steak in the dishwasher]
J.D.: [v.o.] Body could stay home and prepare the feast. And as always... Head would handle entertainment.
[J.D.'s hold floats next to Kim as she sings at a karaoke bar]
Kim: [singing] Don't go breaking my heart
J.D.: [singing] I couldn't if I tried
Both: [singing] Oh, honey if I get restless
Kim: Stop hogging the mic!
J.D.: Body, come!
[J.D.'s body, whose arm is on fire, runs to the karaoke bar and jumps off staff, injuring a group of patrons][Crowd]
J.D.: Stupid body. I gotta do everything myself.
[J.D.'s head headbutts Kim off the stage]
J.D.: [singing] Ooh-hoo, nobody knows it. Clap with me, clap with me! Nobody knows...
[reality:]
J.D.: Head loves karaoke.

Kim: So, Josh, you are suffering from a condition called phimosis. It's basically a hardening of your foreskin. As part of your treatment, I'm going to ask that you masturbate five times a week.
J.D.: [v.o.] Help the poor kid out.
J.D.: Wow, five times a week, huh? For me that would be cutting back.
J.D.: [v.o.] He said in front of his future girlfriend.
J.D.: You know what? I should probably mosey.
[J.D. gets caught in a hospital curtain sending him tripping into the X-Ray viewer, which he smashes with his head.]
J.D.: [groans] Looking forward to our date.
[J.D. turns around is struck by a swinging door]
Kim: See you around 6:00. Wear something slutty. Zoom-zoom-zoom!
J.D.: That's mine.