Carla: Dr. Kelso, we need to talk.
Dr. Kelso: Baxter was a good dog. You never think you're gonna miss animals as much as you do. It was just nice having some creature in my life who never disappointed me, never judged me, never showed up late at my 50th birthday party with freshly pierced nipples and a barely legal Filipino boy named Pogo - my son Harrison.
Carla: I figured.
Dr. Kelso: Man's best friend, huh? They got that one right.
Carla: At least you've stopped crying.
Dr. Kelso: No, not really. My body just can't produce tears anymore because I've intentionally dehydrated myself. It's a risky move, I know, but Dr. Jarvis here said it'll be all right.
Carla: There's nobody standing behind you.
Dr. Kelso: I'm going to need an IV.

Dr. Cox: I mean, come on, children. What do you actually think is going to happen here? Do you think I'm going to take you and sit you down next to me and say, um, "Listen, uh, if you need anything, you've got my pager. Just know that I'm there for you always"?
J.D.: Oh, my God.
Dr. Cox: Newbie!
J.D.: No! Zip it! I am so G-darn pissed right now. I was OK when you kept me at an arm's length, because everybody said, "That's just Cox. That's how he operates." And I believed them. But now I walk in on this... this bi-racial love fest. You know what? I hate to do it, but I'm giving you back the pencil. That's right. The pencil you gave me on my third day of work. You handed it off to me like a tiny yellow baton, like you were trying to say to me, "J.D., you are the new me. You, J.D., are my mentee. You are my son."
Dr. Cox: What pencil?
J.D.: Oh, that's perfect. That's perfect. You know what? Take it. Maybe you can use it with Rex or Gloria or that guy.
Dr. Cox: That guy's name is Leslie.
J.D.: His name is Leslie. His name is Leslie. Your name is Leslie. All right. Good for you, Leslie!
[J.D. leaves and then returns to tackle Leslie]
J.D.: Leslie!

Turk: But Thursday nights, I got the apartment to myself. So, you know, I come home...
[flashback to Turk in the apartment:]
Turk: [v.o.] I walk in the door. I immediately get comfortable. Then I take care of all my busy work, case dictations, patient charts, everything. Then I watch whatever's on ESPN.
TV: Stay tuned for more Gilmore Girls.
Turk: Mothers and daughters. They speak so fast but they speak so true.
Turk: [v.o.] Then I make some important work calls.
Turk: [on the phone] Did you see it?
J.D.: I am so mad at Lorelai, I can't even talk right now.
[present:]
Turk: That's Turk Night.
Dr. Cox: [whistles] God, you're boring.