Janitor: You know, I'm not gonna have a kid until that genetic technology they're talking about is available for everyone.
Carla: So you want to pick the sex and eye color?
Janitor: No, gills. And when that day comes, it's goodbye hospital, hello father-son treasure hunting team.
Carla: Wow. Well, you better get cracking. What are you, like, 45?
Janitor: Forty-three. I know I look a little older, but that's just 'cause I drink and smoke heavily, and work with chemicals, and sleep on my face.
Carla: No hard feelings?
Janitor: OK. All right. I swear on my unborn fish-boy's life, she will pay.

Turk: So, when am I gonna get to meet Julie?
J.D.: Do I want her to meet Turk this soon? What if he doesn't like her?
Turk: What are you doing?
J.D.: I'm saying all my thoughts out loud so I don't mess this relationship up.
Turk: I don't understand.
J.D.: I forgot, sometimes Turk is slow.

Elliot: Oh, I remember my first exam with Dr. Matthews. He said, "You're healthy down there." And then I said, "Right back at you." And then there was this weird little awkward pause, so I said, "I like to keep a clean shop." And then he asked to see my insurance card.