Janitor: Alrighty, you're gonna go first. Please enter the jiggly circle. Everybody else, on my signal, prepare to throw.
J.D.: Throw?
Janitor: Now.
[J.D. is pounded with tennis balls by the hospital staff]
Janitor: Now, anyone who caught a jiggle rebound may step up to the death line.
Nurse Roberts: I want you to think of this as a corn muffin.
[J.D. whimpers as Nurse Roberts throws a tennis ball at him from point-blank range]
J.D.: [to the Janitor] There is no such thing as Jiggly Ball, is there?
Janitor: No.

Carla: If J.D. were drowning and said he didn't want you to save him, wouldn't you do it?
Turk: That depends. What if there are hot chicks at the pool? Maybe he wants one of them to jump in and save him.
Carla: Let's say there's no women.
Turk: There's always women at the pool, Baby.
Carla: Fine. He's in a pond.
J.D.: Oh, I would never swim in a pond. They're infamous for serpents.
Turk: You could swim at the Y on Tuesdays, men only.
J.D.: Have you been to the Y on man night? Not me.
Carla: Fine! Turk's the one who's drowning!
Turk: Oh, so now a brother can't swim?!
J.D.: Why do you have to go there?
Carla: Oh, my God! I would rather play Jiggly Ball than try to explain this to you two idiots.

Turk: It's true, Mr. Keck, you could probably get by without the surgery. But why would you? I'm the smartest, most skilled surgeon in this place.
Mr. Keck: Are you stuck in that candy machine?
Turk: I paid for my Rolos, I'm getting my Rolos.