Dr. Cox: I gotta tell you there, Supercuts, I've seen a lot of crazy things at this hospital. I've seen smokers live to be a 100, and I've seen tri-athletes come in here and drop dead at 20. I've seen unbridled joy, and I've seen debilitating pain. But I never thought I'd see a jumpsuit-wearing, van-driving, vomit-cleaning, no-good, confounded, Frankenstein-looking buffoon like you get a girl like Barbie.
Janitor: I'm gonna paint your Porsche mint green so it looks like my van's baby.

Janitor: Gentlemen, crazy eyes Margo, I've called the brain trust together for one reason. I have to find a way to make blonde doctor mine.
Randall: Burn down her apartment.
Troy: I have an idea, but we're gonna need a tugboat.
Janitor: Tugboats and arson, that's all I ever get from you guys. We call this a brain trust, and I'm the one with all the solutions. I saved you from that eagle, Randall. I saved your job, Troy. And, Margo, I found your birth mother. She was a tree person, remember? There's no shame in that. Sorry, guys, but I've had enough. I'm afraid I have to find a new brain trust. [to Todd, Ted and Doug] Gentlemen I don't want to appear selfish, but stop what you're doing and focus on me.

J.D.: [v.o.] Kylie and I still hadn't slept together, but I had a feeling her 4-week booty embargo was about to end.
Kylie: I have a surprise for you tonight.
J.D.: [v.o.] God, I hope it's sex. Or a pony. I'll bet it's sex 'cause I don't see a pony.
Kylie: Wait right here. [holding a vanity plate reading "J.D. MD"] It's for your scooter. What are you doing?
J.D.: Nothing, I was just gonna do a little laundry. I assume your facilities are in-building?
Kylie: Why is it always about sex with you?
J.D.: It's not. Look, Kylie, I'm just really proud of my abs. Or ab.