Dr. Cox: Boy, oh boy, does it look like you pissed off the wrong guy there, crunchy. And trust me, he'll make you pay.
Dr. Molly Clock: Oh, Dr. Kelso's all bluster. Underneath it all, I bet he's a sweetheart.
Dr. Cox: No, no. Underneath it all, he is pure evil.
Dr. Molly Clock: Perry, no one's pure evil. I mean, yeah, some people have a hard outer shell, but inside, everybody has a creamy center.
Dr. Cox: There are plenty of people here on this particular planet who are hard on the outside and hard on the inside.
Dr. Molly Clock: So they'd have more of a nougaty center?
Dr. Cox: Lady, people aren't chocolates. Do you know what they are mostly? Bastards. Bastard-coated bastards with bastard filling. But I don't find them half as annoying as I find naive bobble-headed optimists who walk around vomiting sunshine.
Dr. Molly Clock: I'm touching your creamy center.
Dr. Cox: Oh, I am so very angry that I'm going to find someone to kill just to prove her wrong.
[J.D. walks up behind Dr. Cox and wisely decides to back away]

Dr. Kelso: I'm so sorry you lost your grandmother. Our prayers go out to you and your family.
Woman: Thank you, Doctor. That's very kind.
Dr. Kelso: That'll be seventeen hundred dollars.

Dr. Kelso: It's a mystery. Now, our old hospital psychiatrist used to write my wife, Enid, a prescription for crazy pills. He was a dear, dear friend, but he died or moved or something, and now I need you to do the honors.
Dr. Molly Clock: Have her come in for a few sessions, I'll gladly prescribe antidepressants.
Dr. Kelso: That's going to be a problem.
Dr. Molly Clock: Why?
Dr. Kelso: She doesn't know she's taking them.