Dr. Cox: Oh, whoa, now. What happened to what happened to feisty Barbie, huh? You know, it took me a helluva lot to shake off that tongue-lashing you gave me yesterday.
Elliot: Yeah, well, yesterday I had a mentor, but she turned out to be insane. I mean, how am I supposed to take professional advice from somebody who can't even hold together their personal life?
Dr. Cox: Look, I know you and I have never really connected. Maybe that's because you're relentlessly annoying, or maybe it's my fault because I can't tolerate relentlessly annoying people. I don't know. But answer me one question: Do you think I'm a good teacher?
Elliot: To some people.
Dr. Cox: Fair enough. Why don't we go ahead and take a look at my personal life? I am in love with a woman that I hate, my two-year-old son calls me "Pewwy," and this is something that I've never actually shared with anybody before, but on Saturday nights, I like to throw on a nice dress, go out to dive bars, and insist that everybody call me Mrs. Haberdasher!
Elliot: [laughs] ... No, you don't.
Dr. Cox: Well, even if I did, it wouldn't really matter since that has nothing to do with how good of a teacher I am. Stick with me here, Barbie. The point is that if you finally found somebody who makes you believe in yourself as much as you did yesterday, well, I would think twice before I wrote that person off.

Carla: Oh, hey, Turk, would you pour me a cup of decaf, please? We gotta go to bed early tonight.
Dr. Kelso: I'll have some of that decaf, son.
Turk: Sir, see, this is regular. Yeah, I gotta give Carla the strong stuff just to keep her awake so I can stay up a little later.
Dr. Kelso: Ah, drugging your own wife. Been there. Careful, though. Starts out with coffee, next thing you know, you're rooting around the nightstand for an adrenaline shot to counteract a Valium overdose.

Elliot: [v.o.] Okay, you can't bend that way anymore, 'cause when you do, that last vertebrae above your butt sticks out and makes you look like a prehistoric camel.
Carla: What are you thinking?
Elliot: Same ol', same ol'.
Carla: Camel-butt?
Elliot: Yeah.