Dr. Cox: Well, I figure with her being ridiculously book-smart to the point where she has almost no interpersonal skills, and you being warm and cuddly as an un-potty trained labradoodle and about as useful in high-stress medical situations as an un-potty trained labradoodle, together the two of you make one barely passable doctor... slash labradoodle.
J.D.: Wait, so, if we're both gonna be chief residents, why didn't you just say that from the beginning?
Dr. Cox: What, and miss your hall of fame hissy? Not on your life. Walk with me.

Carla: So, what are you guys gonna do now that your residencies are over?
Doug: Oh, I'm still a resident. Yeah, Dr. Kelso said I'm the first medical resident to repeat his third year in the entire history of the hospital!
Carla: That's a bad thing, Doug.
Doug: Oh, I'm staying positive.

Dr. Cox: What?
J.D.: It's 3 o'clock! 3 o'clock's when you announce the new chief resident, so we thought you might want-
Dr. Cox: Barbie, you're chief resident.
J.D.: [high-pitched laugh] Very funny!
Dr. Cox: So not joking.
Elliot: Oh, my God, now I know how Liza Minelli felt! When she won the Oscar, not when she married that gay, pan-faced alien.