J.D. Quote #616
Dr. Cox: Are those the charts I wanted?
J.D.: No. They're the charts you wanted, plus patient history charts from the last ten years, which yours truly stayed up all night organizing not only chronologically but by severity of condition. [drops the papers] There's a good chance I'm gonna kill someone.
Dr. Cox: [ding] Things you say when you talk to your patients.
Quote from Turk
J.D.: [v.o.] Come on, don't get mad at Turk. What's really bugging me is that, thanks to Dr. Cox, I've got nothing to do. Nothing to talk about. No stories to tell. [slaps Turk's head]
Turk: [v.o.] From the moment I woke up this morning, I have been freaking out about getting married. Luckily, Carla's being cool.
Carla: Okay, this is your last chance to uninvite that slut you went out with in high school.
Turk: She's married to my brother.
Carla: Isn't that convenient.
Turk: [v.o.] Thank God she thinks that hot chick, Tina, I invited is my cousin! Well guess what! There's no blood there, baby!
Carla: Oh, and by the way, don't think for a second that your "cousin" Tina's gonna be sitting at our table.
Turk: [v.o.] Oh, my God! She's in my head. It's okay. Use it to your advantage. Make me a grilled cheese sandwich, woman!
Carla: Make it yourself.
Turk: [v.o.] [screams]
Quote from J.D.
J.D.: [v.o.] Today's gonna be a great day. Still, no time to dilly-dally. God, that's a fun phrase. I have to meet Dr.
Cox in five... Good God, check out those dilly-dallies. That may be the future Mrs... Ugh. Okay, back to work. Because Dr. Cox has hand-selected me to help him on a research project.
J.D.: Hey, research buddy.
Dr. Cox: We're four seconds in and I'm already regretting my decision.
J.D.: [ding] Things Jordan says during sex! Ha!
Quote from Dr. Cox
Dr. Cox: Ah, don't bother with that, Trish. You know, I've been getting my hair cut by my barber, Big Frank, for seventeen years now. Is it because his prices remained the same? No. Is it because I like the way his man-breasts feel gently resting on my shoulders when he does my sideburns? A little, yes. But, mainly, it's because, unlike you, he does just exactly what I tell him to do. You see, it's either my way or the highway, and since you've already broken that dictum [claps, whistles], you're out!
Quote from My Missed Perception
Mrs. Wilk: I choose Dr. Dorian.
J.D.: Oh, my God! Oh, my God! I don't even believe it! I don't believe it-lieve it-lieve it! Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Yes! I'm shaking! Look at this! It's crazy-talk!
Mrs. Wilk: He played hearts with me all night.
Dr. Cox: [groans]
Mrs. Wilk: You're a very strange man, aren't you?
J.D.: I was a preemie.
Quote from My Long Goodbye
Dr. Cox: What the hell am I gonna do?
J.D.: [v.o.] Unfortunately for Dr. Cox, that's when Elliot walked by and showcased her oddest talent.
Elliot: Somebody just had a baby.
Dr. Cox: How do you know?
Elliot: My uterus is glowing.
J.D.: My mom had an uterus. I lived in it.