J.D.: [v.o.] Dr. Kelso was having a little female trouble of his own.
Carla: Dr. Kelso, the sexual harassment around here has gotten out of control. Yesterday somebody asked Laverne if her boobs were made for walking. It's rude. And it makes no sense.
Nurse Roberts: Paris and Nikki were not amused.
Carla: You named your breasts after the Hilton sisters?
Nurse Roberts: Other way around, sugar!

J.D.: So, uh, Jordan seems to be doing pretty well.
Dr. Cox: You know Jordan, she is a rock.
J.D.: How 'bout you? How you holding up? [Dr. Cox is silent] I know it's been kind of tough with Ben dying. Are you gonna talk ever?
Dr. Cox: Let me go ahead and tee this up for you, there, Anneka. We are all going to die someday. For the lucky few of us it'll be nice and fast. But for most of us it'll be just as long and slow and painful as a conversation with you.
J.D.: That's a beautiful sentiment.

J.D.: Seriously, how are you?
Dr. Cox: Oh, my God. Look, Abby, I didn't write to you asking for help. So, if you continue on down this road, you're going to end up eating, breathing, and relieving yourself through a tube of some kind. Signed, "Dealing With It On His Own" in Kansas.
J.D.: I wrote Dear Abby once in seventh grade 'cause I didn't have body hair like the other guys? By the time her response came out in Parade magazine, it was like a forest down there. Well, you know, "nothing ventured"...
Dr. Cox: I'm looking for streamers and- and a marching band, because this will be the ceremonial one-millionth time I've had to shake off something that you've said. [shakes head]